Last night at 3am I woke up suddenly with a feeling of dread. could hardly breath. felt as if something was terribly wrong. this has never happened to me before.. I called the 2 children who would be most likely to be in trouble and both were fine. I called my husband but got no answer. although I did not feel it was him. he called first thing in the morning to see what was up and he was fine too. checked in with the other 3 children and they were also all fine. so I guess it was nothing.
today however, I am trying to get some cleaning done. slow going. all I want to do is sleep. I feel all alone and un needed and unloved. My husband is due to be home tomorrow, but I am cautiously opptomistic about that. he has a tendency to get caught up in his work and before you know it it will be too late for him to drive the 3 hour drive home.
I am a mess today. fits of crying. so depressed. so alone. so desperate for my husband to tell me what I need to hear. wondering if I should make him a list of suggestions to help build me up. scared that if I do and he still doesn’t do it I will be even more crushed. will I ever feel like a whole person again? and why am I so relcutant to look to God to do for me what my husband isn’t? Idont feel capable of accomplishing anything… not true becasue the reality is that I am.. I just got a merit raise at work, I am becoming certified to be an instructor at work. amoung other things. what has me so depressed. and feeling so hopeless? can this really all be due to my thyroid issues and/or menopause? or am I just going crazy?