I Hate this

OK  so I really hate being alone.  I mean I really hate it.  Well the truth be told,  just having company would not be enough.  I would still be lonely even if  there were people here.  I guess the real truth is that it isn’t being alone that I hate.  It is being without my husband.  I have always felt this way.

In the 27 years that we have been married we have been apart under many circumstances.  The first time when we were married a year, he started a job while I finished the college year out.  about a month and a half.    I hated it.

The second time was again for a new job.  Kids finished the school year and we remained for the summer while my husband looked for a house for us to buy.  three months.  I hated it. 

The third time was for a job in an area we did not want to move our children to.  the first few years he came home a couple of nights a week.  Then it was only weekends.  However I was able to go there at times during the week. 

The fourth time was for another job. I remained behind so our youngest child could finish high school in the school district she had attended her entire life.  I am not sure why I did not go as soon as she graduated.  It just didn’t happen.  but still I hated it.

So this is actually the fifth time. Again another Job. The excuse this time is financial.  I want to be there with him so badly.  I would miss my children but really I don’t see them all that much anyway.  I miss my husband more.  it is after midnight. I should be in bed. I would be in bed if we were together. He has gotten too used to this.  He is lonely too, but I fear it isn’t for me as much as simple companionship.  I fear if he were living in a boarding house with other people he would be fine.  He would not hate this.    I HATE THIS.

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About aloneagain3

I am a wife and mother of 5 grown children... and 3 grandchildren.. I have been married for 29 years... I thought I did ok at life... turns out i sucked at it... but I am getting better!! View all posts by aloneagain3

One response to “I Hate this

  • thypolarlife

    Sorry you are having a rough time. Personally, I love the moments that I have to myself. That’s only because my kids are still young and I just don’t have any. I can’t imagine having to miss my husband the way that you are. I feel for you.

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