OK so I really hate being alone. I mean I really hate it. Well the truth be told, just having company would not be enough. I would still be lonely even if there were people here. I guess the real truth is that it isn’t being alone that I hate. It is being without my husband. I have always felt this way.
In the 27 years that we have been married we have been apart under many circumstances. The first time when we were married a year, he started a job while I finished the college year out. about a month and a half. I hated it.
The second time was again for a new job. Kids finished the school year and we remained for the summer while my husband looked for a house for us to buy. three months. I hated it.
The third time was for a job in an area we did not want to move our children to. the first few years he came home a couple of nights a week. Then it was only weekends. However I was able to go there at times during the week.
The fourth time was for another job. I remained behind so our youngest child could finish high school in the school district she had attended her entire life. I am not sure why I did not go as soon as she graduated. It just didn’t happen. but still I hated it.
So this is actually the fifth time. Again another Job. The excuse this time is financial. I want to be there with him so badly. I would miss my children but really I don’t see them all that much anyway. I miss my husband more. it is after midnight. I should be in bed. I would be in bed if we were together. He has gotten too used to this. He is lonely too, but I fear it isn’t for me as much as simple companionship. I fear if he were living in a boarding house with other people he would be fine. He would not hate this. I HATE THIS.