I have been researching, exploring, and otherwise dredging up the past in the last few weeks.
This has answered some as well as posed some more questions.
One of those questions is how can something as traumatic and huge as a mother of 4’s death and the subsequent fallout never be talk about?
I have three siblings. Two older brothers, the oldest being 11 years, the second being 9 years my elder. One older sister who is 2 years older.
And no we have never really talked about the death of our mother or the unrest of the following 18 months. We never talked about any of it for 44 years.
I was very young and don’t remember much. although I have picked up bits and pieces over the years. Now I am getting the rest of the story and putting it all together.
I have a family of my own. 4 grown children. 2 boys and 2 girls and a 5th child that came into our lives at the age of 18. making me the mother of 5. As we talk about what I am learning one thing has become very clear. Nothing happens without being discussed in our family.
I am finding that this is an unusual thing. Most families don’t talk about things. We do, sometimes as a group but mostly in one on one conversations with each other. although these are not “don’t tell anyone else I said that” conversations.
Frankly I am not sure if this is a good thing or not. I think it is. We don’t have hidden lives from one another. We get mad at each other. We get over it. And above all else, we are there for each other.
I found out this week that my sister has probably needed me to be there for her for years. I didn’t know this because we don’t talk about things. Our talks are superficial. Trivial.
My hope is that as my children grow older they will talk. They will tell each other when they are hurting, when things aren’t going well. They will be there for one another.
I think that is the direction we are headed in. and that makes me happy.