faceing facts

I don’t know what is going to become of me.  I feel so helpless about my own life.  Why am I ignoring the facts.  I don’t want to face them… I can’t.  I’m not strong enough.  I am not strong enough to make the demands I need to make. 

the fact I need to face is that my husband doesn’t love me.  Not enough to do what I need him to.  I am not sure he ever will again.  I am so heart-broken over this. I try to go along with his pretending. but I feel the truth.  I try to fool myself.  but as I do that I realize that all that makes me is a fool. 

I want so much to be told that I am the most important.  that he will do anything for me.  anything.  that he could not live without me.  but it isn’t true.  it simply isn’t true.  it used to be true and that is what really hurts. 

I don’t know what to do… I am lost hopeless and alone. again. really alone this time.

About aloneagain3

I am a wife and mother of 5 grown children... and 3 grandchildren.. I have been married for 29 years... I thought I did ok at life... turns out i sucked at it... but I am getting better!! View all posts by aloneagain3

6 responses to “faceing facts

  • diaryofacurvygirl

    I just found your blog. I am so sorry for what you are going through hon. This is so sad. I was in a similar spot, except I was going through depression and pushed my husband away. The only thing was I could look in from the outside and see I was hurting him, and yet not do a thing about it.

    I really wish this was one of those times, for you, that you could open your eyes and its all a really bad dream. Are you a Christian, Catholic, etc? Do you have younger children? How long have you been married? I am sorry I ask so much but I am going to go back and read your blog now. I hope you feel better. I hope you find comfort.

    • aloneagain3

      thank you for your comment. I really appriciate the imput. I would love to answer your questions. I am a Christian. altough I have been struggling, Prayer has never really been easy for me… I am a “relator” personality. with “thinker” as my secondary. So at times maintaining a relationship with an untangable God can be a challenge. I Work on it though. I actually do have a strong faith. My children are 20, 24, 27, & 30… I also have an extra daughter that we “adopted” when she was 18 who is almost 25. I have three grandchildren. I will be married 28 years in december. most of those years have been very happy. we have struggled with money, and joblessness. I mostly was a stay at home mom. I now work a part time job. as you probably read, my husband works 3 hours away. He does seem to be committed to staying with me, but still has a woman friend with whom he is too close. I have many things going on with me right now, making rational thinking difficult at times. and sometimes I think people take advantage of that. tonight I will be blogging about my fears and some new goals I have developed. Thanks for reading. knowing that someone is reading helps me.

  • nomoreblues

    i am sorry you are having such a rough time. hopeless, helpless…
    shit..depression sucks.. i am on 3 different meds and they worked at first but don’t do much now….
    i don’t know your whole situation , i just found your blog tonight, but my husband ‘says’ he loves me.. but his actions show and prove differently.. its like he is unable to be loving towards me… and it sucks… there are no easy decisions… i learned i cannot ‘change’ him to be more affectionate or loving or how he is…
    so i accept it and live with it… and some days are easier than others…
    i wish you better days ahead…

    • aloneagain3

      I just read your blog and I am not quite sure what to say. it has actually un-nerved me. In my situation I am the wife of the man in the affair. My husband can still be very loving toward me, however he has someone else that he is emotionally attached to. Reading the parts of your blog when you talk about talking and emails and texting give me an uneasy feeling in my stomache. It makes my fears about how the other woman feels about my husband seem real. it actually made me feel angry and more hopeless about my situation. My husband is committed to our marriage. as you and J are committed to your respective marriages. The other woman in my situation is not committed to her marriage, she has seperated, granted her husband was emotionally abusive toward her and she needed to be out of that situation. But that has made her more dependant on my husband. I pray that you continue to progress in your efforts to get over the man you had the affair with. I pray that your family will become whole and happy once again.
      Thank you for reading my blog. I like when people read and comment. as far as reading yours, I am not ready to look at things from the other side if you know what I mean. I do find that blogging helps. good luck in your journey toward a whole and happy life. and yes depression sucks!

      • nomoreblues

        aa3, i had NO idea that your husband was having an affair! i am SO sorry! i never would have commented if i knew that…
        i was reading about depression and related to much of what you wrote, and that is where my comment was from…

      • aloneagain3

        that I fine. seems as though relationships have a great deal to do with depression. or should I say depression has a great deal to do with relationships. as I said your comments are welcome.

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