letting go of thoughts that haunt.

getting ready for a weekend away with my sister.  I was supposed to go with my sister-in-law, but she had to cancel due to my brothers surgery on monday. 

I am finding it stressful.  I thought I was ready to go away for a weekend with out my husband, but now I am not so sure.   I question what he is going to do, and if he is going to be where he says he is. 

his plan is to stay in the town where he works till saturday, come home on sunday and take monday off.   although on sunday he wants to go visit his mother.  visiting his mother is a good thing, she isn’t feeling well and is having some new health issues.  the problem is she is staying with my husband’s sister, in the same area as his “friend”     My fear is that he isn’t really going to stay in the town where he is working. My fear is that he will go to see “her”  on saturday, visit his mother on sunday, and then come home. 

So I am anxious. 

It is a kind of catch 22.  When I tell my husband how I am feeling and my fears he get frustrated with me.  All I think I really want is for him to tell me it is ok and he will do what ever I may need him to do to feel safe again.  That really isn’t his personality.  So I hold back as long as I can, then I tell him what I think and feel, but when I do this I end up more worked up because I don’t get the tenderness and understanding that I need.   

I took a break from writing this to call my husband and tell him how I was feeling.  I can’t say it went well.  he calls those types of calls ‘beatings”   His attitude was as it usually is.   I don’t know why but I actually feel calmer. 

I guess that is a good thing.    I think it helped to get those fears out of me head and into the open.   This is a good thing. 

I need to do this.   now to concentrate on enjoying my weekend.

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About aloneagain3

I am a wife and mother of 5 grown children... and 3 grandchildren.. I have been married for 29 years... I thought I did ok at life... turns out i sucked at it... but I am getting better!! View all posts by aloneagain3

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