I wish I didn’t let little things bother me so much.
the past few days have been good ones. but now I feel myself on a downward slide. all because of a little thing. I didn’t get a good night phone call from my husband. I am quite sure he simply fell asleep and did not hear my calls to him. but I still feel lost, sad and anxious about not talking to him.
He had a bad day monday and Tuesday was not any better. He was very upset. I wanted to help him. He likes to be left alone when he gets like that. I am the opposite, I want attention and caring words when I get that way. The problem is I am fearful that he isn’t dealing on his own. My fear is that he is turning to Her. So the little thing of not getting a good night phone call is magnified.
I long to be the only one that he is emotionally attached to. that he is emotionally dependant on. The physical separation does not help at all. depending on one another would come much easier if we were together every night.
Yes the little things mean a lot. little things like saying “I love you” at the end of every conversation. little things like a random text saying I am missed.
it is the little things that add up to become big things… big things that when done heal hurts and wounds. big things that when not done add more hurts and expands wounds.
Does asking for these little things when he is stressed to the max make me selfish? I don’t know. I do know that when I don’t get these little things I begin to get unsure, and conjure up things in my mind. things that make my stomach turn with anxiety. But it isn’t all about me. He needs me to be what he needs me to be at this time. supportive. and available, when he wants to reach out, other than that he needs me to leave him alone. I have done that in the past. He repaid my honoring of his desire to work his issues out by finding someone else to lean on. oh how I wish I knew what to do, and how to be. and oh how I wish that the little things didn’t mean so much.