my theme song for the days of christmas

The song “river” by Sarah McLachlan was running through my head all the time this year.  especially this part:

It’s coming on Christmas
They’re cutting down trees
They’re putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace
I wish I had a river
I could skate away on”

I felt as if  I wanted to escape.  escape the stress. escape the responsibilities.  escape the critical looks and comments of things not done the way they used to be, or the way they should be.  escape my own demands on myself. 

where I would skate to I do not know.  it is funny, I didn’t really want to be with my family, but I couldn’t imagine being away from them either.

I listened to the words and watched the actions of my grown children and discovered that they have not turned out the way I expected.  They are not really kind and caring people.  They display rude and selfish behaviors.

 They were not ungracious about their gifts. as they sometimes have been in the past. But they had an attitude of  I am going to do and say what ever I want and if you (whoever you may be) don’t like it, too bad.  

I am longing for a Christmas with just my husband and myself.  Although I realize that I won’t really like that either. 

One thing I did not want to skate away from this year was my grandchildren!  They were joyful and fun.

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About aloneagain3

I am a wife and mother of 5 grown children... and 3 grandchildren.. I have been married for 29 years... I thought I did ok at life... turns out i sucked at it... but I am getting better!! View all posts by aloneagain3

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