the Chaos of my mind.

March 15

last-minute blogging again. 

Had another fairly good day today.  Although I think I discovered that I may be closer to melt down than I thought. 

i had a conversation with my husband around 7:30 this evening.  we talked about his experience trying but not getting his laptop fixed.  and other things of the day.  I knew this would not be the last time I spoke with him for the evening , we make a point to call and say goodnight.  and we also call if something comes up we want to tell each other. 

Something came up that I wanted to tell him, nothing important. just something.  so between 9:30 and 10:00 I called him a couple (well three) times and sent a text.    after some time of not getting a response I started to worry that I would not get to talk to him again tonight.  I wasn’t feeling like he was out or that he was on the phone with “her”  I was 90% sure he was asleep, But I began to feel anxious.  Thank goodness he called me at about 10:30.  Yes he was asleep. his phones were on vibrate, so they did not wake him.    as soon as I talked to him I was calm again and I actually went to sleep for a little bit. 

This I guess could be seen as a problem.  and yes I would have to work through it if I could not talk to him.  I actually have pills for that, which I thought about taking if  hours had passed before I got through or he called. 

so maybe I have a lot more recovering to do than I thought. 

the thing is I have a great deal of things running through my mind.  my problems, my kids problems, art projects, work stuff, household chores, money management.  Somehow knowing that my husband is accessible eases the chaos of my mind.  (maybe I will expand on said chaos some day)

How can that be a bad thing?

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About aloneagain3

I am a wife and mother of 5 grown children... and 3 grandchildren.. I have been married for 29 years... I thought I did ok at life... turns out i sucked at it... but I am getting better!! View all posts by aloneagain3

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