tired of alone.

april 3

actually it is past midnight but since I haven’t been to bed yet so it is still sunday night to me.

I missed the last two nights.  We were out, friday to go see a band my 20-year-old daughter wanted us to go and see. they weren’t that good and gave me a headache that lasted into the next day.  Saturday my other daughter turned 28, and she had a party at a bar she frequents for Karaoke.  the bar managers put balloons up and had it all decked out for her.  we actually had a nice time. even though we were out much later than we usually are.

I am emotionally drained tonight.  the husband seemed very critical of me all friday and saturday night.  then I saw a message on his phone on Facebook from a friend of  “her’s”  and I got upset.  probably over reacted but I am so tired of him having women for friends.  It hurts my feelings. 

There are other things going on that are draining me.  I feel that I am responsible to do everything again.  that we are back to “I make the money, you do everything else”   although He feels that he is responsible for everything.  the thing is that I feel that I am expected to pick up the slack for my grandson when his mother doesn’t want to do what needs to be done for him.  My 20-year-old asked me to make shells and cheese for her the other day.  I asked her what she would have done if I wasn’t here, she said she wouldn’t have eaten.  I have to clean up after all of them or it won’t get done, and if i don’t do it then when the husband gets home he is not happy with me. 

I think this might be easier to do if I was getting the attention I need so desperately from him.  I would love to get emails and texts that express feeling of love and encouragement for me. 

I feel so very alone.  I’m tired of alone.  I can’t emotionally take alone any more.  it is the kind of alone that can’t be fixed by just anyone.  I need my husband.

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About aloneagain3

I am a wife and mother of 5 grown children... and 3 grandchildren.. I have been married for 29 years... I thought I did ok at life... turns out i sucked at it... but I am getting better!! View all posts by aloneagain3

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