I never dreamed

April 4

I read an interesting stat today.  1 in every 5 divorce cases involve Facebook. 

Facebook is how I learned for certain that my husband was involved with another woman. 

Facebook was how I learned that he was still more involved with “her” than he was telling me months after.  How devastating it is to read another woman say “I wish we could talk tonight so we could reaffirm our feelings for one each other”   it makes me sick just thinking about it. 

He is no longer friends with “her” on Facebook.  he is however friends with one of her friends, who I just saw a private message from the other day.  of course he gets mad at me for being upset by this. Sometimes I react to things in ways that surprise even me, and I don’t seem to have any control over my reaction.   

I am 90% sure that their relationship is less than what it used to be, but I could be wrong.  My question is how much less?  If it can’t be no contact at all I think I could live with  once or twice a month.  I know it is more than that.  I really don’t like not being included in this.  I should be included.  My feelings should be top priority.  They are not, this makes me feel as if I am still being betrayed.   it makes trusting again more difficult.  Maybe it would be easier to trust if I had access to my husbands Facebook account again.

I never dreamed

  1. that HE of all people, would have an affair in the first place
  2. that he would insist that he continue to be “her” friend
  3. that I would handle it the way I did, and sometimes still do.
  4. that it would be so difficult to trust again.
  5. that he would not feel very much remorse. I thought he loved me much more than he demonstrates. 
  6. that he would be entertaining the thoughts of ending our  marriage or that I might think maybe that could happen.
  7. that my children would suggest that we end our marriage.

I guess I have lived in a very naive state for a long time. 

 I am more positive than negative about our future.  It hasn’t been easy, it still isn’t easy.  I still have more than enough days of feeling as if I will never be what he needs me to be again. and that he will want to leave at some point.  some days I feel like I should just go, so I won’t screw things up anymore.  but I guess that is the way life is. 

I wonder what other statistics this situation has put me in?

About aloneagain3

I am a wife and mother of 5 grown children... and 3 grandchildren.. I have been married for 29 years... I thought I did ok at life... turns out i sucked at it... but I am getting better!! View all posts by aloneagain3

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