My husband asked me if I had a good day today. I told him yes because I guess I did. well at least it wasn’t a bad day.
I was feeling more negative today.
I spoke (well Facebook chatted) with a friend who lives about 5 hours away. Her father-in-law passed away last week so I wanted to check in with her and express my condolences.
as we chatted we began to talk about church and life in general. she told me I need to stop doing so much for the others in my family. to do something for myself and to find joy in my life. of course she has found some joy and comfort from the church she is attending. I am not. I am trying to find joy in my creative abilities. but life seems to keep getting in the way.
I want to find joy and be happy again. I do feel joy at times. but mostly I am just tired. tired of all the stuff that needs to be done, and tired of being the only one that does it. and tired of being criticized for how it is done or for the speed it is done or for it not being done at all. but mostly I am tired of being apart from my husband.
I remember a time when I was content with how my life was. Even though it was not exactly how I wanted it to be. I was content and accepting of things as they were. I no longer feel that way. I want things to be the way I want them to be. which is the more traditional and normal way. like living full-time with my husband!
sometimes I feel if I had not been so accepting of the status quo I would not be in the emotional state I am in now. I guess it is up to me to make it happen. even if it pisses some people off!
so how was your day?