Some times caring for an aging parent is like falling off the face of the earth.
That is where I have been for the past 6 days. Taking care of my Mother-in-law, with the exception of saturday night when I got to spend some time with an elementary school classmate of mine.
The MIL has no internet or computer so I was not able to blog while I was there. this did provide me with time to draw, which was very nice.
The MIL is 87 years old, has lung cancer that is sort of under control for the moment, (at least it was), is on oxygen, has limited mobility of her arms, uses a walker and only weighs 97 lbs.
She has always been feisty and has never really seemed to think that much of me. She often tells others how I made the husband quit this and do that, and even last Mother’s day told him that he does whatever I tell him to. I’m not sure how she came to that conclusion because nothing could be farther from the truth. I have never really felt welcome by her or my sister-in-law. I even quit taking food to holiday gatherings because they wouldn’t eat anything I brought.
Yet there I was staying with her on the days I should be with the husband.
I am not a nurse, or a nurses aid, or even a personal care giver. Mostly she just needs someone to get her meals, medicine and help her get dressed when she needs it. She needed it a lot this week. I was even changing very wet adult diapers.
I almost think she has begun to prefer me to her daughter in caring for her.
My sister-in-law is much like the MIL. rough and tough. She prides herself on being a bitch. I will preface what I have to say about the SIL with the fact that she is scared, concerned and a bit unwilling to face the impending death of her mother. However, I do not think that excuses being demanding and forceful with the MIL. She and her cousin like to tell the MIL what to do. “Get up and move around. Walk to the kitchen. Don’t just sit there” They treat her like a child and I feel they are stripping her of her dignity.
In their effort to will her to get better, they make her feel lazy and useless. Thus causing her a great deal of anxiety. To the point of panic attacks. It is very unsettling.
The MIL was admitted to the hospital today. The third time in as many weeks. She has fluid on her lungs again. I think it is from the cancer.
I hope the SIL and the husband can come to a peaceful solution to what the next move is. He will be going there again this weekend to see what is going on hopefully find out what his mother wants. What SHE really wants, not what she thinks will please her daughter.
I will not be there. I have a previous commitment. just as well I think. although I would like to be there for moral support for the husband and the MIL.