aftermath of loss

July 12

I am feeling a plethora of emotions right now.

I am sad.  Sad that my Mother-in-law is no longer with us.

I am happy.  Happy that she is no longer suffering.

I am relieved.  Relieved that we no longer  have to rearrange our lives to care for her. (not that I was not glad and privileged to do that for her)

I am angry.  Angry about the lack of respect afforded me by her and her daughter.

I am grateful.  grateful that she got a chance to benefit from my kindheartedness in the last months of her life. and that she grew to appreciate me and even love me. 

I am hurt.  Hurt by the inconsiderate inclusion of my husbands ex-wife in the planing of her funeral. 

I am resentful. Resentful that some of these issues were not dealt with a long time ago, by myself or by others. 

I am defensive.  Defensive of the stance my husband has taken toward his brother and sister in light of the disrespect he felt from them.

I am hopeful.  Hopeful that fences can be mended some day.  however at this point it is only a glimmer of hope.

I am not sure if it would be helpful to go over in detail all that has happened or to let it left unsaid.  probably best to let it rest and concentrate on issues I can actually do something about.

 

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About aloneagain3

I am a wife and mother of 5 grown children... and 3 grandchildren.. I have been married for 29 years... I thought I did ok at life... turns out i sucked at it... but I am getting better!! View all posts by aloneagain3

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