The saturday this weekend last year was July 25. it had been a horrible day. Today wasn’t as bad but last night was. it was the day I tried to kill myself.
it seems as though we have taken a thousand steps backward. So much the positive signs I had this past week. I think I was being placated.
the Husband is in his life is hopeless, I would rather be anywhere but here. He and my son may never speak again. Nothing is good here at this house. and since I am the one who is supposed to be in control of all these adults, a two-year old, two dogs, two cats, a bird, the physical house, which includes cleaning and maintenance, the car, every bill that needs paying, and the recreation, I am the one who is made to feel worthless and unwanted and the one he doesn’t want to be around.
oh great now I am crying and if he comes upstairs and sees that I am crying he will make his trademark groan. When he is like this I am not aloud to feel.
He has spent a great deal of the past 24 hours deleting things from his phone. contacts, pictures, and I don’t know what else. He is now in the process of deactivation of his Facebook account.
It was this attitude from him that contributed to the feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness that I was feeling on that day one year ago.
I know I did not help the situation by chosing last night to tell him how I felt about his continued contact with “her” but I figured he was already pissed, so why not then. He won’t really ever talk about it. it is a non-issue he says. There is never a good time to talk about it.
and while I am complaining about how much my life sucks. I might as well bitch about the fact that no one ever comments on my blog. another confirmation of the worthlessness of me.
I guess I will just begin again.