I think I figured out this weekend why I have begun to throw myself into my artwork. It is something that I am good at. maybe the only thing that I am good at.
when I am working on a piece and it is looking bad, I can turn it around and make it look good.
Here is the thing. it isn’t of any value. just like me. of no value. I feel as if anything I have ever done in my life that was once good is no longer good.
I was a good mom. when my children were young, they were good children, normal children who weren’t perfect but they were good. as adults they are over dependent on me, under achievers
, and they seem to feel that I should parent them in the same way I did when they were children.
I had two dogs who are both now dead. they were good dogs, well-trained and even held obedience trial titles. I now have two dogs (different gods) who drive every one crazy and cause more problems than enjoyment.
I am a christian. I know that will never change. however I used to be different in my faith. now I feel I am failing at that as well.
There is nothing in my life that I can point to and say… “look at that. I did that.” or “I am responsible for that.” There is something good or something to be proud about.
what was the point of my life so far? and guess what, I don’t see it getting any better.
the most important thing to me has always been my relationship with my husband, and that is apparently not what I thought it was either. maybe it never was.
so here I am, one big epic fail.
tell me what do you do when your life is a an epic fail. how do you fix that?