Monthly Archives: October 2011

just breath

I am registered for the winter class I need to take.  social psychology.

I really need to ramp up the positive self talk.   I am still finding it difficult to manage my every day life of getting the bills paid.  (water was shut off today.  it is back on but really what is my problem, really?)

I am with my husband at his apartment for a few days.  will have to go back tomorrow.  this has been good.  we are enjoying our time together.

I am still finding myself feeling very anxious at times about life in general.  I pray I haven’t taken on too much.  I really want to finish my degree, keep going to counseling, keep working and teaching classes and spend as much time as possible with the husband.  oh yeah, then there is the rest of the family.  and the dogs and the two new birds we got.  at least the family isn’t afraid if these birds.

I feel I need to get my schedule set up for the next six months.  not so easy to do when so much  of it depends on others schedules.

I am going to take it easy for the moment and just breath.   BREATH.  JUST BREATH.

The road might just be a super-highway.

Here is what has been going on with me the last few weeks.

  • Husband and I began counseling.
  • I have a definite plan in place to finish my degree.
  • classes I teach at work are becoming more attended.
  • getting the house organized
  • have put children on notice that some things need to change.
  • my pet bird died.  very sad and tragic.

counseling seems to be going well.  We both like the therapist.  and I feel we are both comfortable saying what is on our minds.  sessions are once a week, and the Husband takes the time off work that he needs to take to attend.

I met with a Dean at the university that I will be attending to finish my degree.  I have 6 classes to take.  4 through distance ed on the internet and two on campus.  I will be graduating in May.

I have actual students signed up and attending the classes I teach at work.  They are paper crafting classes and are great fun for me.

I friend came and helped me organize all the cake decorating supplies that were in the dining  room.  she will be back to help with other areas as well.  Another friend came to help my son clean out the basement.  Many things have been thrown out!  He should be back in a couple of weeks to finish that task.

I had a short meeting with my children about how our living situation needed to change so we could live more comfortably and so I am not continually taken advantage of. I did not get into specifics as of yet, I will be meeting with them individually to do that.  My therapist and I are working on a specific plan on how to do that.

My poor bird.  Mr. Yikes.  It appears as though he was trying to escape from his cage and got his neck caught.  I am sure you can imagine in the rest.  He was a 5-year-old Nanday  Conure.  very beautiful.  He said a couple of things, one of which was “good night” every time the light would be turned off.  I will miss him.

on the road

things are moving in what seems to be a positive direction.

  • I have a new mental health counselor.  He is more proactive in making changes in me than the last one.  I like that.
  • The Husband and I are in couples counseling.  once a week.  so far we have gone once. It went well for a first visit.  We are both hopeful.
  • I have a realtor coming to look at the house to see what we need to do to get it ready for the market.  although I don’t really have the house ready for her to come and look at it.
  • I have someone lined up to help clean out the basement.
  • I have someone who is going to help me get everything organized.  She was here on Tuesday and we got the cake decorating supplies organized.
  • I have a meeting with a dean at the university that I attended way back when to select classes and finish my degree.  It will be a degree in general studies. The best part is I only need five classes to finish.  Yes I said 5!!!!
  • I have told my daughters that the situation in this house is no longer tolerable, and that I will be talking with them individually in the next couple of weeks about specifics that need addressing.

I am on the road to a better life.  I believe it is the life I have been fighting to have for the last two years.

I am on the road to being STRONG, ASSERTIVE & RESPECTED!    That is my goal and that is what my new self talk is all about.

gullible’s travels

I believe I need to change my name.

not that I have used it here anyway.

My new name shall be “Gullible”

Yes it is as most of you who have read my previous posts probably suspected, the affair was more than emotional.  it has always been.

With this new information brought into light, the question becomes,  what are you going to do now, Gullible?

I know that many of you will not agree with my decision.  That is your prerogative.

I am giving my marriage one last-ditch effort.

I have established two non-negotiable, non-breakable rules.    1.  He may never talk to, text, email, Skype, or any other form of communication with HER again.   and 2. we must get couples counseling.

If I discover that the #1 rule has been broken, the marriage is over.    The line has been drawn in the sand.

Rule #2 is imperative as well.  We have many issues to work out in our relationship.  I don’t think it will be easy.  However if rule number one is broken it will be impossible.

My husband has agreed to these rules.

I am stronger than I have been in a long time.

I will be gullible no longer.