I had an emotionally exhausting counseling session today.
I am chosing to keep myself in a situation that is destroying me. I am not ready to make the healthy choice.
We talked about the possibility of separation. Wow. as I type that I get a sick feeling in my stomach.
The reason for separation would not be the first step in a permanent split… it would be to give me a chance to concentrate on myself. to take care of me and put me first. I am sure the husband would not view it that way, He would consider it the beginning of the end of our marriage. That I think is why I can’t do it. I reiterate my position. I DO NOT WANT MY MARRIAGE TO END!!!!!
However, neither can I accept things as they are… I do not want a mediocre marriage either.
So here I am between a rock and a hard place. Totally committed to a man who is not totally committed to me.
These issues will be discussed in our couples counseling this week. I pray that the husband allows God to work in him and restore our marriage to what God intended it to be.