I feel like I have taken a huge step back in time to when I was at the mercy of every one else. People think they can treat me any way they want, say anything to me, do anything to me and I will just take it, And if I don’t take it then there is something wrong with me. Really
I allow this. I don’t know how to stop it. I know what it is I want. but I once again feel powerless to get it.
it makes me think of the qoute, and I don’t know who siad it but “if you can’t change the people around you, change the people around you” My problem is I don’t want to change the people around me. they are my family. it is me who has to change. but I tried that. I became more confident, I began to choose myself. that has gotten me into more trouble. of course it wouldn’t have if I had choosen to lie. I could have changed the honest part of me and saved myself from a great deal of pain. but I don’t want to be a liar.
what to do.
I think my first step is to find a job. well more than a job, a career type job. even if I have to create it myself.
I guess I am starting over again, again.