back in time

I feel like I have taken a huge step back in time to when I was at the mercy of every one else.   People think they can treat me any way they want, say anything to me, do anything to me and I will just take it,   And if I don’t take it then there is something wrong with me.  Really

I allow this.  I don’t know how to stop it.   I know what it is I want.  but I once again feel powerless to get it. 

it makes me think of the qoute, and I don’t know who siad it but  “if you can’t change the people around you, change the people around you”   My problem is I don’t want to change the people around me.  they are my family.   it is me who has to change.   but I tried that.  I became more confident, I began to choose myself.   that has gotten me into more trouble.   of course it wouldn’t have if I had choosen to lie.  I could have changed the honest part of me and saved myself from a great deal of pain.  but I don’t want to be a liar. 

what to do.

I think my first step is to find a job.   well more than a job, a career type job.   even if I have to create it myself.  

I guess I am starting over again, again. 

About aloneagain3

I am a wife and mother of 5 grown children... and 3 grandchildren.. I have been married for 29 years... I thought I did ok at life... turns out i sucked at it... but I am getting better!! View all posts by aloneagain3

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