new things on the horizon

Here is what is new.

1  I have a job interview on October 2.

2 I have had some students sign up for my classes and have enjoyed teaching the classes.

3 the husband is in the top three for a job (out-of-town again)  we need him to get it for our finances… but I do not want to go through him being gone.  although sometimes it feels like he is gone when he is right next to me.

Here is what is old.

1 I am still depressed… but not as much

2 The husband still has HER in his life.  (I still hate her)

3 He still won’t forgive me for his perceived offenses toward him.

4 My children at still needy and stressful!!!

 

I am still committed to my husband and my marriage.   I may have to distance myself from the hurt and pain he causes, but I am not going to end our marriage anytime soon.   I have faith (although it may be the size of a mustard seed) that our marriage will be restored.  I don’t know when.  I don’t know how.  but I know it will.

I love him.   I was even beginning to doubt that.  But through some prayer I realize that I do love him.    I pray he will love me again too.  God can and I believe he wants our marriage to work.

I am trusting in that.

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About aloneagain3

I am a wife and mother of 5 grown children... and 3 grandchildren.. I have been married for 29 years... I thought I did ok at life... turns out i sucked at it... but I am getting better!! View all posts by aloneagain3

One response to “new things on the horizon

  • betrayalsurvivor1981

    Dear Aloneagain3,
    I’m an African American grandmother who doesn’t check my email often, but I want to share something with you. As you are aware, there is a glut of internet blogs from female and male current and past betrayed spouses, as well as a few from male and female current and past betrayers. I don’t subscribe to any of them, but there are a few I read with some regularity: Rescuing My Marriage (female betrayed spouse); A Year After The Affair (female betrayed); My Husband Cheated After 12 Years (female betrayed); The Hero’s Spouse (female betrayed); Recovering Wayward (male betraYER); and your superb blog, Aloneagain3 (female betrayed).

    Some statements and experiences I can relate to in those blogs and some I can’t. I have read other infidelity & abandonment blogs in the past, and will no doubt in the future begin reading some that I haven’t read yet, but the aforementioned blogs are the ones I’m currently following.

    There have been times when you have written that nobody reads your blog, based on the sparse replies that your blog receives. I assure you, Aloneagain3, that more people are reading your blog than you may think!

    Life has taught me that people generally respond to items that are angry and provocative. As an angry (but softhearted) person myself, I can relate to that. However, I can also relate to the good-heartedness, long-suffering and patience of your blog.

    Some people may be put off by your seeming indecisiveness about remaining in your marriage or not, especially due to your husband’s refusal to cut off absolutely all contact with his affair partner (whether his affair is emotional or physical at this point). Some people may feel that you are demeaning yourself by staying in your marriage, as well as being figuratively “held captive” by some of your adult children who refuse to grow up. However, I feel that there are variations in everyone’s personal experiences, and in their reactions to those experiences, and nobody can speak for someone else unless the former has walked in the latter’s shoes.

    Walking away from a 30-year marriage is no easy feat for the spouse who desperately wants the marriage to last. Instead of being detracted by your sometimes indecisiveness (with which I can empathize, by the way), I am inspired by your inner strength and perseverance. You have earned your college degree, you work outside the home, you teach classes that students enthusiastically sign up for, you run a household that keeps you VERY busy, and you stand by your man even though he certainly isn’t making it easy for you to be loyal to him!

    I don’t judge you as to whether you should leave your marriage or remain in it. The blogs that I follow are of betrayed spouses who have chosen to remain in and rebuild their marriages (when their cheating spouses didn’t abandon them); and of repentant cheaters who have ended their affairs and have chosen to remain in and rebuild their marriages with the spouses they betrayed. The husband in The Hero’s Spouse DID abandon his wife for another woman during his mid-life crisis, but he eventually returned home to his long-suffering wife who is a “Stander” – somebody who believes that marriage is permanent, even after divorce, no matter what the other spouse does. (Please visit the Rejoice Marriage Ministries site.)

    There is NO right or wrong way for a spouse to react and function after being betrayed by an unfaithful husband or wife. Life goes on, whether a marriage continues or not. Everybody has to walk in their own shoes, and nobody has the right to tell someone else to leave a marriage or to remain in a marriage. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF, Aloneagain3!

    In 1981 my physically abusive husband – after fathering an outside baby during our marriage with one affair partner – left me for another affair partner whom he later married. He left me pregnant with our third child (a girl), as well as our 2-years-old and 1-year-old sons. I was absolutely devastated, and I literally wanted to die. I knew, however, that I had two sons and an unborn daughter to live for.

    I worked full time as an administrative assistant and raised my kids. They are now 31, 33 and 34; all have attended college; my sons are married w/ children of their own; my daughter is an unmarried and childless career woman; and all of them are successful. It wasn’t easy by a long shot, but with God’s grace those childrearing years were the best years of my life! (My children’s father – my ex-husband – who left me for wife #2, is now with wife #4.)

    I am inspired by your blog, Aloneagain3! Keep on writing your blog, because people ARE reading it! May the Good Lord bless, comfort and empower you and your marriage and family. God hasn’t forgotten you, Aloneagain3, and He never will!

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