until the scales tip.

so here we go again.

The husband left yesterday to work in Delaware.   He will be gone for about five weeks if not longer.

He will miss my birthday

He will miss thanksgiving

He will miss our thirtieth wedding anniversary

He will be making good money, and it should enable him to qualify for unemployment.  but…

I hate him being gone as usual.

I am scared that he will get a visit from her.  He says it isn’t going to happen but I can’t trust what he says.

He says his relationship with her is just a friendship.  either he thinks I am an idiot or he has convinced himself this is the truth.

I am not fearful of him never coming home.  I know he will come home. I know our marriage will last as long as I want it to continue.  He is comfortable with me.  I am fearful of what goes on in his conversations with her.  I am fearful of what might go on if he were to see her again.  I am fearful of the pain and hurt.  It is a pain that he does not comprehend.  He does not understand the magnitude of the pain.

My psychiatrist asked me today why I have decided to stay in this marriage?   My answer was this,  because of love, history and my personal beliefs.     I guess those things still outweigh the pain.   so I guess until the scales tip in the other direction I will hold on to my marriage.

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About aloneagain3

I am a wife and mother of 5 grown children... and 3 grandchildren.. I have been married for 29 years... I thought I did ok at life... turns out i sucked at it... but I am getting better!! View all posts by aloneagain3

5 responses to “until the scales tip.

  • hiddinsight

    I really feel for you that you have to go through this. It’s hard enough having him gone without having to worry about what he is inevitably doing (no you ate not being paranoid. he is probably as lonely as you are.)

    Sounds like you have lots of questions. My husband travels 2-3 nights away every week, and it’s hard on a family and marriage. I feel for you.

  • betrayalsurvivor1981

    It never ceases to amaze me. Your psychiatrist asks you why do you stay in your marriage. The Other Woman wonders why the Wife remains with a cheating husband. People in the general society scratch their heads trying to figure out why “stupid” wives “humiliate” themselves by staying with lying, cheating, “dirty dog” husbands.

    It just makes me sick to my stomach! Our society (and the world in general, unfortunately) worships WEDDINGS, but doesn’t honor and respect MARRIAGES. Magazines, television and other media regularly report on splashy and expensive weddings, as well as separations, affairs and divorces, but there is no regular media coverage of intact marriages. Stories about Sex and Divorce sell magazines and attract viewers, but stories about Marriages that have survived life’s inevitable ups and downs DON’T sell products or generate profits!

    In our “Look Out For Number One” and “Achieve Happiness At ANY Cost” world, people don’t “fight” for anything worthwhile anymore. The “For Better And For Worse, In Good Times And In Bad, In Health And In Sickness, Forsaking All Others” marriage vows are dishonored, mocked and ignored constantly by unfaithful spouses, affair partners, the “celebrity” culture, and society in general. Faithful and honorable spouses (such as you, aloneagain3) who respect their marriage vows are looked down upon with derision and scorn.

    It’s all so sickening and HYPOCRITICAL! The Other Women Whores who deride Wives for staying with and forgiving their cheating and lying husbands, are the SAME whores who are simply pissed off at the wives for “hindering” the goal of the whores to claim the cheating and lying husbands for themselves! Suddenly, it doesn’t seem so important that the husbands are cheaters and liars. The Other Women Whores feel there’s nothing wrong if THEY marry the cheaters and liars, but the whores somehow feel that something must be mentally wrong with the Betrayed Wives who choose to stay with and forgive the same husbands that the Other Women Whores DESPERATELY want to steal from the Wives!

    If a female or male Betrayed Spouse chooses to “kick” a cheating spouse “to the curb,” even though the cheating spouse is pleading for forgiveness and begging to stay in the marriage, that’s the Betrayed Spouse’s RIGHT, and there’s nothing the hell wrong with that! By the same token, if a Betrayed Spouse chooses to remain with a cheating spouse who is pleading for forgiveness and begging to stay in the marriage, that’s also the Betrayed Spouse’s RIGHT, and there’s nothing the hell wrong with that, EITHER!

    I remember reading your response to the October 27, 2012 “A wife’s double standard” post by Rescuing My Marriage (a portion of your response is reprinted below):
    “I am angry at both the OW and my husband. And she is angry with me. She thinks I am crazy and will never leave….”

    You’re damned right you will never leave, aloneagain3, unless YOU decide that leaving (or making your husband leave) is the best thing for YOU to do! The choice to leave the marriage or remain in the marriage is YOURS to make, NOT the OW’s. F*CK that whore! Your husband does NOT belong to her. He belongs to YOU! He asked YOU to be his wife and the mother of his children. And he wasn’t cheating on someone else and cake-eating with you when he asked you to marry him and you accepted his proposal. He made YOU his Number One then, and you two have built 30 years of love and shared history together now. All the OW has are a deceased marriage and a lustful desire to replace you and marry YOUR husband!

    Aloneagain3, you don’t owe ANYBODY an explanation as to why you have chosen to remain with your husband who wants to stay in the marriage with you! If your psychiatrist is not a specialist in “Affair Recovery” (and not all psychiatrists are), then you may want to consider getting one who is. You and I have the same personal beliefs pertaining to the sanctity of marriage. I admire and respect you. Keep on keeping on!

    P.S. If you haven’t already read the book “Not ‘Just Friends'” by Dr. Shirley Glass, I recommend it. Also, I HIGHLY recommend that you go online and look up Family Life’s “Weekend To Remember” marriage rejuvenation events, and consider attending one of them with your husband. Events are held in various cities in many states throughout each year. (Staying at the host hotel during the weekend event adds GREATLY to the “magic” of the entire experience, but the benefits will be positively profound even if you return home each night of the weekend and don’t stay at the hotel.) Couples on the verge of divorce have emerged from those events with a new “honeymoon” mentality! I’ve witnessed it personally, as I sent my hardworking middle son and his hardworking wife to one of these events, and it turned everything around for those two young people who were in crisis. (I borrowed the money to do so.) Their marriage was well worth the investment after 15 years together. Just IMAGINE, aloneagain3, the wondrous benefits to the marriage of you two hardworking people after 30 years together!!!

    Love And Prayers,
    betrayalsurvivor1981

  • betrayalsurvivor1981

    aloneagain3, did you know that you and your husband can attend a FamilyLife Weekend to Remember® marriage getaway FREE (not including the hotel)? Check out the information below:

    Many people attend FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember® marriage getaway because someone invited them. To continue this tradition and to encourage more people to invite others to the getaway, FamilyLife has created the Bring a Group program. Each group begins with a Group Coordinator. A Group Coordinator is someone who invites their friends to attend the Weekend to Remember® marriage getaway. AND AS A SPECIAL BONUS, ANY GROUP COORDINATOR WHO HAS FIVE (OR MORE) COUPLES REGISTERED WITH THEIR GROUP CODE RECEIVES A COMPLIMENTARY COUPLES REGISTRATION.

    FamilyLife has a variety of tools to help a Group Coordinator to form a group:
    -Ideas for finding couples to join a group
    -Free brochures, posters, and other promotional materials
    -Free videos to show in your church

    Couples who register as part of a group receive a group registration rate of $178/ couple – a savings of $80 off the regular registration rate. To receive the special registration rate, couples use a group code sent to them by a Group Coordinator. And each member of the group does NOT have to attend the same getaway / location. Your group can include couples from across the United States.

    Your personal invitation to friends, family, and neighbors could be the starting point for purpose, renewal, or restoration in your marriage and someone else’s marriage.

    ( For more information about how to become a Group Coordinator and forming a group, call 1-800-FL-TODAY [1-800-358-6329] or visit http://www.familylife.com/weekend )

    P.S. Also, aloneagain3, I just found out from 1-800-FL-TODAY that deep discounts are going to be available online on Cyber Monday (the Mon after Thanksgiving). Keep an eye open, because God’s got a blessing for you and your husband!

    Love And Prayers,
    betrayalsurvivor1981

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