so here we go again.
The husband left yesterday to work in Delaware. He will be gone for about five weeks if not longer.
He will miss my birthday
He will miss thanksgiving
He will miss our thirtieth wedding anniversary
He will be making good money, and it should enable him to qualify for unemployment. but…
I hate him being gone as usual.
I am scared that he will get a visit from her. He says it isn’t going to happen but I can’t trust what he says.
He says his relationship with her is just a friendship. either he thinks I am an idiot or he has convinced himself this is the truth.
I am not fearful of him never coming home. I know he will come home. I know our marriage will last as long as I want it to continue. He is comfortable with me. I am fearful of what goes on in his conversations with her. I am fearful of what might go on if he were to see her again. I am fearful of the pain and hurt. It is a pain that he does not comprehend. He does not understand the magnitude of the pain.
My psychiatrist asked me today why I have decided to stay in this marriage? My answer was this, because of love, history and my personal beliefs. I guess those things still outweigh the pain. so I guess until the scales tip in the other direction I will hold on to my marriage.