thirty years and counting.

On December 3rd the husband and I celebrated our thirtieth wedding anniversary.  

I decided to get in the car and drive the five hours to where he is to spent the day with him.  We really didn’t do anything special, ate breakfast at an Ihop. and I tagged along while he attended to some things for work.  Then we took a walk on the boardwalk and looked at the ocean.  

Before I left we talked a little bit about the tenuous state of our marriage over the past few years.  I really wasn’t sure we were going to still be together on this milestone anniversary.  Yet here we are still hanging on to what my daughter referred to as our “joke of a marriage” 

Yes there are things that need changed.  1.  we need to live together.  2. Diane needs to become a thing of the  past.  3.  Our kids need to stand on their own two feet.  

I am still very angry and frustrated and hurt by her presence in our lives, however as I drove home I thought about what the husband and I talked about today. (He isn’t going to end our marriage,  if our marriage ends it will be because I can no longer tolerate his “friendship” with Diane.)   I began to feel sorry for Diane.  He has her convinced that there may be a future for them.  Yet there isn’t.  He is married and plans to stay married to me for a long long time.  He has made that abundantly clear to me.  I am sorry that he has not made that clear to her.  I am sorry for her that she has chosen a dead end relationship.  

He and I have a long way to go to get back to “happily ever after”  but we will.  We both want it.  Plans are being made to work toward that end.  

So all in all it was a good anniversary.  Now if I can just remain sane until he gets here for Christmas.  twenty days.   

About aloneagain3

I am a wife and mother of 5 grown children... and 3 grandchildren.. I have been married for 29 years... I thought I did ok at life... turns out i sucked at it... but I am getting better!! View all posts by aloneagain3

7 responses to “thirty years and counting.

  • Being 'Her'

    Your way nicer than I am… and put up with a lot more than I would… I know that sound odd coming from ‘my side’. Just saying. I’m glad you guys are making it work. I don’t think I’ve read enough to fully understand….

    • aloneagain3

      I read some of your post. It is unbelievably painful to read you talking about being touched by someone you have no right to.
      I read somewhere when I first started seeking help in understanding my own feelings that being betrayed by your spouse is more damaging and traumatic that being rapped. I want to know how does that make you feel knowing you were a participant in inflicting that level of pain on another human being?

      As for me and who I am. I think I am simply stupid.
      Thanks for reading my thoughts and trying to maybe understand the other side of the story

      • Being 'Her'

        we all do what we do for different reasons… neither of us were happy. I was alone and HE was verbally abused and still is. If you don’t respect your partner, sadly (and honestly) they won’t respect you. I just FIRMLY believe it takes two to tango. My comment to you wasn’t rude, I didn’t mean to offend… I’m saying I don’t understand you allowing them to still be friends, this is why I think I should keep reading. I didn’t mean to offend you if I did….

      • aloneagain3

        I did not think it rude. And I was not offended. As you read you may find my reasons for why I stay or you may not cause truthfully I’m not always sure of my own reasons. Again I am glad you are reading. I may read more of your blog. But as I said. It is painful for me.

      • Being 'Her'

        I am sure it is painful. This mess on all sides is. The side of my husband falling to drug use when we had the perfect marriage. Leaving our kids and I for two years. Then the unthinkable happened. I don’t even know how exactly. It just did. I’m sorry you are hurting. I can’t imagine how hard it is to heal from that. I feel so much hurt and regret and hurt for what I did to her, (his wife) but at the same time, (being brutally honest) he will tell you that his needs stopped being met, and not just the sexual ones. All sides play a role and it is so hard for everyone to admit their fault. The husband, the other woman and the wife. It just sucks all of it.

      • aloneagain3

        A wise blogger once wrote (I think it was rescuing my marriage.) that if she had been consulted on her husbands decision to solve the marriage problems by him engaging in an affair she would have said “no”. Having an affair and adding another dimension to a couples problems can not be justified. No matter what you say. If course it is human nature to justify our actions. And we do fall into things before we know it. However we have the power as well to stop things. Own up and make things right. It seems as though you are working on that and I commend that.

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