A little understanding please.

I feel like no one understands how hard this is for me.

I get in not so many words. And directly at times. “suck it up.” “just deal with it.” “why are you sad? Just be happy.”.

And of course my favorite “you’re acting crazy”.

Well this is hard. This isn’t who I am or how I am supposed to live.

Why can’t anyone get that???

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About aloneagain3

I am a wife and mother of 5 grown children... and 3 grandchildren.. I have been married for 29 years... I thought I did ok at life... turns out i sucked at it... but I am getting better!! View all posts by aloneagain3

3 responses to “A little understanding please.

  • hiddinsight

    You’re right. No one can possibly understand how hard it is 😥 Hug.

  • betrayalsurvivor1981

    aloneagain3,
    Though there are, of course, some differences between your experiences and those of another blogger, emotionaltornado, you two have something in common (betrayed wife struggles to rebuild a marriage while wayward husband works many miles away in another state). One of the posts from emotional tornado is reprinted below. You are NOT crazy, aloneagain3!!! You’re a tough cookie. God Bless.

    emotionaltornado « livinginsidethetornado
    livinginsidethetornado.wordpress.com/author/emotionaltornado

    JUNE 12, 2012
    No wonder it wasn’t working

    I started this blog to untangle my thoughts dealing with an affair that I discovered about 4 yrs ago. Just days into this project I can understand why I was struggling so much with this. He was involved in another affair the whole time I’ve been dealing with the first one. So obviously he has never done his part in this recovery. He has only continued to hurt me in ways you can’t imagine unless you have been here.

    Last night was a very painful night on the phone since I am dealing with this over the phone and across the country right now. I need a waterproof phone, my tears are likely to ruin it at this pace. He started admitting even more stuff and it hurt so badly to listen to it all. I don’t know how much to believe, he has obviously become talented at lying to me. I don’t know if he has a conscience left in all this either.

    He seems so defeated in his calls and text messages. No loving notes like I always got when he was gone, but I also know those were likely steaming cow piles anyway. I am somewhere between numb and the rage getting out. He is struggling, I know and I want throw things at him. Not really caring how much he hurts, he kept smashing his thumb with the hammer and now that he can’t hide it anymore…. He admits its all his fault, there was nothing I could do since he wouldn’t open up to me. I don’t know that it makes things any better, maybe just not worse. Through years of self-medicating with books & websites I’ve learned that while I may have shared a role in what made him vulnerable, he made the bad choices, not me, he is to blame. That doesn’t make it better now.

    I have to face my day now. I have to put on a fake smile and take care of my kids. I still only want to hide. I have to force myself to eat. I have to try not to just break out crying when it gets too heavy because I don’t want to worry my kids or family.

  • betrayalsurvivor1981

    aloneagain3,
    Here is a reprint of one more post that you may find some common ground with, from emotionaltornado. (I have also referred emotionaltornado to your blog.):

    JUNE 14, 2012
    Standing in the middle of my fire

    The situation is rough. If he just walks from his job (many hrs from here), we would be in trouble financially in about 2 weeks. I don’t make much money. My job is important to me, above average pay for where I live, and allows me to be the mother I want to be. It sadly pays less than half the bills and the savings was used up little by little over several years after the local job market was cut severely. So on one hand I want to demand COME HOME TODAY!! Heaven knows I want him here in my line of site. But I also know the situation and that there are children involved.

    So here I stand in this fire. I hope those reading this can never imagine being in this fire. I know this is not were I planned to be at this point in my life. I planned a happy life with my family and kids. My biggest dream was to be a mother and have a family. I am fighting for this. I’m not ready to give up yet. My gut doesn’t say quit yet. It says to fight! FIGHT!

    Think carefully before you say what you will NEVER do. I do sometimes feel like the craziest woman on earth. I hope I’m not crazy and that some day I will look back on this as a lesson to teach others to: a) not give up and b) think carefully before you do things that could shatter someone.

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