Monthly Archives: January 2013

One more night

First time in a long time something happened in my favor. The husband is staying another day because a part needs to be ordered for his car. 😊 he is actually happy to be staying.

We had a good morning before he went to the garage.
I have to work this evening. But we get another night together and some time tomorrow!!!

He is looking to being home in march. I hope we can do some couples counseling at that point. In spite of his refusal to not talk to Her. There are other things I need to bring to his attention and I would rather do it in session where arguing is less likely.

120.00 bucks

120.00. Before taxes. That is what the husband makes a day.
He will not be staying longer than Monday evening. ( really only because he needs to get his car inspected)
Two nights together is all I get.
Three days sharing most of our time with family.
I’m not even worth $120.00

The other side of hell


Ok I’m ready to be in the other side of hell now.

Neither rain nor sleet nor snow…

Waiting for the husband to get home. He hasn’t left yet because of the snow. I have no idea when he will get here.
It really seems like the forces of the universe are plotting to keep us apart.
Makes me wonder sometimes if that is the way it’s supposed to be.
Or am I just getting tired of fighting?
By the way. I have never liked snow very much. Tonight I despise it.
I guess the husband is not like the US mail.



I am now getting a cold sore.
The husband will be home Friday exactly one month since I have seen him. He won’t want to kiss me with a cold sore.
All I can think is lucky him. Now he has an excuse. Again I say

By the way. I love kissing!!!! Him not do much.


I feel so disconnected from every one. It is debilitating to feel as if there is no one you can turn to for love help and support.
Everyone has their own issues. Their own lives.
I feel very alone. I feel as if I have no one to say “let’s go conquer the world together” to.
Isn’t that who a spouse is supposed to be?
I can’t even tell him my simplest feelings. I feel abandoned.
That’s kind of the story of my life.

I want

Tonight I just want to have a nice conversation. About positive things. I really want this conversation to be with my husband.
We didn’t speak to each other tonight we sent texts.
1st topic
What are you doing.
ME. helping the 29 year old clean out her room.
HIM. Netflix.
I later told him I had the daughter stop cleaning and get her son to bed while I cleaned off her bed so she could get some school work done and go to bed. And other information regarding her.

2nd topic
What are you watching.
HIM. a show about Australian animals.
ME. Australia has the worlds most deadly animals. Just a little trivia I know.
ME. Remember when we used to watch Boston Legal at the same time and I would call you when something crazy happened?
HIM. yes. That was when we both had cable 😦
ME. that was supposed to be a happy memory.
ME. that was before I lost interest in tv. Lol.

3rd topic
The weather
ME. I had to turn the heater on in the bedroom tonight
HIM I bet. It’s supposed to get really cold
ME. It is 11 degrees right now
HIM. 33 here
ME. And we are supposed to get an inch or two is snow
HIM. that sucks
ME. yes I hate it.

4th topic.
ME. Did you eat with the [people he is staying with] tonight?
NOT READ YET. Which means he fell asleep.

I want more.

We have conversations like this and then I start to wonder, conjure up, and obsess over what his conversations with Her are like. Are they trivial too? If they are is that good or bad?

I want MY fucking husband back. I want to have mundane conversations and not think anything of it. I want to have loving conversations and not have to wonder if he really feels that way or if he is placating me. I want her out of his life completely. I WANT MY FUCKING HUSBAND BACK. AND I WANT HIM TO BE BETTER THAN EVER!!!!