I want

Tonight I just want to have a nice conversation. About positive things. I really want this conversation to be with my husband.
We didn’t speak to each other tonight we sent texts.
1st topic
What are you doing.
ME. helping the 29 year old clean out her room.
HIM. Netflix.
I later told him I had the daughter stop cleaning and get her son to bed while I cleaned off her bed so she could get some school work done and go to bed. And other information regarding her.

2nd topic
What are you watching.
HIM. a show about Australian animals.
ME. Australia has the worlds most deadly animals. Just a little trivia I know.
ME. Remember when we used to watch Boston Legal at the same time and I would call you when something crazy happened?
HIM. yes. That was when we both had cable 😦
ME. that was supposed to be a happy memory.
ME. that was before I lost interest in tv. Lol.

3rd topic
The weather
ME. I had to turn the heater on in the bedroom tonight
HIM I bet. It’s supposed to get really cold
ME. It is 11 degrees right now
HIM. 33 here
ME. And we are supposed to get an inch or two is snow
HIM. that sucks
ME. yes I hate it.

4th topic.
Food
ME. Did you eat with the [people he is staying with] tonight?
NOT READ YET. Which means he fell asleep.

I want more.

We have conversations like this and then I start to wonder, conjure up, and obsess over what his conversations with Her are like. Are they trivial too? If they are is that good or bad?

I want MY fucking husband back. I want to have mundane conversations and not think anything of it. I want to have loving conversations and not have to wonder if he really feels that way or if he is placating me. I want her out of his life completely. I WANT MY FUCKING HUSBAND BACK. AND I WANT HIM TO BE BETTER THAN EVER!!!!

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About aloneagain3

I am a wife and mother of 5 grown children... and 3 grandchildren.. I have been married for 29 years... I thought I did ok at life... turns out i sucked at it... but I am getting better!! View all posts by aloneagain3

17 responses to “I want

  • Still Loving Him

    The biggest question here is why he is still talking to “her”? Why? He need to cease all contact with the other woman now, so you can heal your marriage. He is your husband, you have every right in this world to tell him to stop talking to another women.

    Nothing wrong with your texting. But, have you thought about initiating what you want? Like saying “I miss you” “I wish you were here with me to keep me warm” Or maybe sexting with him? I sent my husband a text yesterday that said “I need to get F****d some more, you better be ready when you get home.”

    Maybe he’s afraid to initiate this kind of dialogue.

    • aloneagain3

      He doesn’t like to hear that I miss him all the time. I have told him not to talk to her anymore. He says flat out that that isn’t going to happen. I know I’m stupid for still being here. I guess I’m a coward or too scared or just blind to the fact that he isn’t going to be what I want and need him to be. There have been times when I said I’m done. But I don’t go. I could. I have a place to go. But I don’t. I guess I can’t face the real truth that I’m more of a friend to him than a lover. And that our marriage is really over. I can’t give up on thirty years. Most of which were good at least from my stand point.

      Sent from my iPhone

  • survivingeventually2012

    Still Loving Him is absolutely right. He cannot still have contact with ‘her’ – and that is contact of any kind. As for him saying that that ‘flat out is not going to happen’, I am sorry to be so harsh but that is just not acceptable. He cannot still be in touch with her, period. You are not stupid or a coward. You cannot be expected to even have a hope of healing your marriage while there is an interloper still in the picture. And at the moment she is an invited interloper – by your husband. I am so sorry you are going through this.

  • blogventer

    Ditto what Stilllovinghim and survivingeventually said! Question for you, aloneagain: Why do you think you deserve to be treated like this? (Because you don’t, no matter WHAT you’ve done!)

  • betrayalsurvivor1981

    This’ll take a few posts (I’m on my “antique” phone). No need to reply to each “snippet,” as it’s actually one big post.

  • betrayalsurvivor1981

    Your blog brought “cyberfriends” into your life, and we do care about you, aloneagain3!…

  • betrayalsurvivor1981

    The commenters on this page are correct. You know that, as a counselor already told you & your husband the same thing…

  • betrayalsurvivor1981

    The commenters on this page are correct. You know that, as a counselor already told you & your husband the same thing.

  • betrayalsurvivor1981

    But he’s unwilling to let his long-distance “friend” go, and you’re unwilling to let your marriage go.

  • betrayalsurvivor1981

    Your blog has made it clear that you love your husband and you’re not yet ready to give up the fight. So, what’s next?

  • betrayalsurvivor1981

    Confidence is alluring, neediness is repelling. Take your focus OFF of HER and put it ON YOURSELF!

  • betrayalsurvivor1981

    You’re a WONDERFUL human being who continually puts herself down. Your husband sees you the way you see yourself!

  • betrayalsurvivor1981

    Please work on seeing YOURSELF as a beautiful, sexy and desirable WOMAN, not only as a Wife, Mother and Grandmother.

  • betrayalsurvivor1981

    Start by seeing YOURSELF the way you want OTHERS to see YOU, sweetheart!
    😀 (End of post)

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