today was a better day.
although I am beginning to wonder if I am just numb and not really caring anymore.
The husband and I have been talking about the bills and what needs to be paid and how we don’t have enough money, (my handling of the finances was his “unmet” need that led him to an affair) (bullshit by the way) Yes I have done a piss poor job at handling the money. I have been afraid to talk to him about it forever because his reaction is always so drastic and dramatic and makes me feel like I am stupid. but there were other ways to deal with this issue than him having an affair. I wonder how am I supposed to try so hard at making his issue with me better when he refuses to stop his relationship with Her?
we are behind on many bills. not exceedingly behind and I would have worked to get them paid earlier in the month had it not been for my health issues.
we have made arrangements to settle on a loan and to settle on a credit card debt. which we really don’t have the money to do.
He is so angry with me for not getting a better job. He feels all of this is me not caring about him. but this affects me negatively as well. His affair has a bigger negative affect on me than it does on him. all though it really isn’t making him happy. How am I supposed to get a better job when I feel defeated, useless, and not good enough.
I was doing so much better with these feelings about myself, but the last few months with him away have been hard on me.
ugh. I am praying for a miracle.