new assignment from my counselor.

Today my counselor gave me a new homework assignment.  I am to keep a daily journal… DAILY   I don’t do anything daily.   ugh.   I am to answer three questions every day.   They are about my worth and impact on others.  I have been given this assignment because my depression seems to be worsening and I am becoming comfortable there.   I really don’t care about much.  I get up and go to work when I am scheduled.  I watch my grandson when needed.  I drive my daughter to and from work.  but for the most part I don’t do anything.    Well that isn’t entirely true.  I have gone out for a drink a couple of times in the past two weeks.  and I did go to a baseball game with my daughter and grandson but she really didn’t give me a choice.  and then there were the two walks I took this week.  but when I am home I can’t bring myself to do anything that needs to be done.  If I posted pictures of the state of my home right now you all might be calling one of those reality shows about doing a clean sweep or something like that.  it is not “hoarders”  worthy but it is a mess.  

So for my journal tonight I accounted for everything I did all day and what it was worth.  What I wrote was a stretch but it is a beginning and  I see the value of doing it.  maybe at some point I will post some of my entries but for now I am to keep them private.  

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About aloneagain3

I am a wife and mother of 5 grown children... and 3 grandchildren.. I have been married for 29 years... I thought I did ok at life... turns out i sucked at it... but I am getting better!! View all posts by aloneagain3

8 responses to “new assignment from my counselor.

  • Gary Leigh

    Good luck there. Worsening depression is often a sign of accumulated trauma, or too much absorption of feelings due to being an Empath. I wish you well with your project.

  • Rollercoasterider

    AlongAgain3,

    I subscribe to so many of the blogs in our group that I don’t always read all of them and so I am so sorry that I have missed yours more than I have read it.
    Your husband is 5 hours away?
    Sorry to ask the obvious, but has he moved out? I know that he has a ‘friend,’ but what I don’t get from your brief byline is whether that means he still lives at home as well.
    And what does he want AND what do you want–regarding your relationship?

    Is it a midlife crisis and have you been to my website (maybe you are already registered, I can’t tell)? I know that you may not feel like you would participate by reading and helping others, but so what! I have a mentor program: I assign newbies who post a story thread a mentor who will follow you for 3 – 6 months. You might find that you get even more supporters to give HUGS if you join the forum and post your story–even if you don’t think it is MLC.

    HUGS,
    RCR

    • aloneagain3

      I was thinking I need to up date my “about” section.
      I do think there is a big aspect that can be attributed to mid life and fallout from his inability to deal with his fathers death. It is all so complicated. I want to hear more about your forum it sounds like something I might like to join. Thanks for reaching out. AA3

      • Rollercoasterider

        You can ask me anything you like–here or email me (I think you have the email in your dashboard with my comments) or click through my name to my main website. The main site has a lot of information about MLC that you can read up on to see if you think it is a fit–though if it’s not that doesn’t mean you aren’t still welcome. You are very welcome!

  • huperecho: to rise above

    I journal but I have not always been able to do it daily but I have to say I am so glad I do cause I get to go back and sometimes I can’t believe what I’ve come through or that I even wrote what I did. it’s very theraputic. I’ve been journalling for 26 years. I was in severe depression for many years and used poetry as my outlet. I’ve been told I wrote the best ones in my darkest times. I hope you find it to be refreshing and it lifts your spirit! Blessings!

    • aloneagain3

      I have journaled in the past. And I do find it helpful. This is to have a specific focus. It is not going to be an easy thing for me. I am so filled with feelings of worthlessness and just not being good enough. I’m becoming numb and am beginning to feel nothing at times. I’m standing on a cliff. It is unclear if I will fall or be pulled back from the edge. I’m not really sure which I would prefer.

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