Someone else like me

Many of you relay how your husband feels about their AP’s and how they were just available for sex. And
That they didn’t have feelings for them and the sex wasn’t as good.
I am asking if any of you who read these blogs are dealing with the aftermath of an affair where you husband was in love with the AP. But is still staying in the marriage
Is there anyone else out there?

About aloneagain3

I am a wife and mother of 5 grown children... and 3 grandchildren.. I have been married for 29 years... I thought I did ok at life... turns out i sucked at it... but I am getting better!! View all posts by aloneagain3

11 responses to “Someone else like me

  • Flaca

    I know my husband loved the sex.
    I know he fell in love with the OW.
    They had planned to move in together & play house.
    I am very traumatized by it all.
    He literally tried to replace me.
    He even wanted to get new dogs!
    It was like he wanted to erase me from his life.

    It’s a terrible pain to know that it wasn’t just about sex. My CS says it was a delusion. An escape. Basically she was easy because she had no kids, no bills, no responsibilities… I think as 1981 mentions that my CS had a early midlife crisis brought on by his career & our financial issues. Those things threatened his manhood so he sought out the SEX partner that would validate him as a man. More than that she was someone who he could take care of (she was over 10 years younger) and that he could impress. He could no longer impress me – for much of the marriage I was the breadwinner and had the more impressive career.

    You are not alone. Remember NONE of this is a reflection on YOU! This is a reflection on the poor choices our husbands made, the terrible people they had their affairs with and their own damaged issues. What can we control? How we SURVIVE from this. Do NOT let this change you. I know that my marriage may not survive but WE have to. We have our children to think of and our sanity to preserve. Be strong AA3 you are not alone.

    ps. I hate house work too. 😉

  • DawnRaeMiller

    My husband believed, during the affair, that he had met his soul mate. He talked about marrying her, having kids with her and abandonjng our boys. It kills me.

    Once he came out of the fog, he believes he didn’t love her and that he confused his love of the affair high with feelings for her. Sounds like your husband is still trapped there.

  • momof6boys

    My husband is one of the cheaters who had a just sex/no love affair, and supposedly the sex wasn’t great, it was just available during a time that our marriage was in crisis. However, just because he didn’t love her and wants to save our marriage doesn’t make it an easier. I am glad he didn’t fall in love with the OW…but the flip side of it is, really, you broke your marriage vows and risked everything you supposedly care for to have a month long affair of supposedly nothing-special sex??? If it was that easy for him to drop his drawers for crappy sex, how much stronger of a temptation would it be if he ever has actual feelings for someone? A man who thinks he’s in love ( and I say thinks, because I’m sure the vast majority are in LUST, not LOVE ) isn’t thinking rationally, so maybe he actually ( stupidly ) believes he’ll be happier with the AP. But a man who is just in it for sex? He KNOWS the affair isn’t going anywhere, he doesn’t care about the AP…yet he is STILL willing to risk it all??? Can a man that fickle EVER be trusted again? And I, for one, am not naive enough to believe the sex was really all that bad…because I truly doubt he would have kept going back again and again for lousy sex. He may not have had feelings for the OW, but I just don’t believe my husband when he says the sex was nothing special. Like he’s REALLY going to tell me that sex with her was fantastic if he’s really wanting to stay married and work things out!!! Anyhow, I’m sorry your husband is being an a**hole…you don’t deserve to be treated so horribly. He is a FOOL. But no matter what, whether all of us in this mess are trying to work things out, are divorcing our CS’s, or are being divorced…we are all in this TOGETHER. We can all support each other and help each other through this HELL we know as betrayal.

    • aloneagain3

      This HELL is the most damaging thing that has ever happened to me.
      I would rather have a terminal illness.
      And I’m sure it would be equally as damaging if he was just in it for the sex.
      However if that were the case he would have ended it. I’m still praying for his relationship with her to end.

  • betrayalsurvivor1981

    Pls rd especially her 04/2012 posts. Her at-home H is STILL in love w/(& works w/) his AP.

  • betrayalsurvivor1981

    Pepe’s H won’t sleep w/her anymore; has multiple OCs w/his AP (5/5/13 “Sermons from Facebook” by Rescuing My Marriage).

  • betrayalsurvivor1981

    My xH was in love w/one of his APs when he knocked me up w/our 3rd, then left me for the AP. We’re ALL in this together.

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