I think I am beginning to let go. to let go of my husband and hold on to myself. No I am not even close to ending my marriage. I am however being more mindful of myself. of my value and worth as I see it. Not as he sees it. He sees me as all things wrong with his life and him self. I come with the baggage of our life together. He at the present time is unable to accept these things for himself, he can not. it would destroy him. It is too painful for him to love me because he does not love him self. I have always been so entwined in him as my husband fully embracing the concept of oneness through marriage that I was unable to love myself as well. I am detaching from him. learning to love myself apart from his feelings for me.
I love him. I will not end our marriage. I pray that he will also learn to love himself and in turn love me the way a husband is supposed to love their wife.
We will be going away together next week for a few days. I am going to ask him to put aside the thoughts of the “real” world and just enjoy each other’s company. To pretend for four days that no one else exists except the two of us. It will not be easy for either one of us. But I think it is imperative that we have some fun together.
the lodging for the trip is free. it is an owners appreciation weekend for the time share resort we own at. the 100$ deposit will be returned to us and I look at it as money saved for the trip.
I told my husband that if he was going to stress about missing a day or two of work to see if he could work this weekend. I told him he didn’t have to, but if he would feel better doing that then by all means do it.
So for the next few days I will be concentrating on myself and my goals. I will be working on who I AM. and I will be looking forward to a good weekend away with my husband.