Category Archives: sex

Fantasy to nightmare

I’m really feeling the need for intimacy lately. I talk to my husband on the phone and feel intense desire for him. I have in the past written him fantasy texts and I thought I might do that tonight via email. I began writing a scenario but had to stop. It included an element of surprise. I couldn’t continue. I kept thinking he would call her name instead of mine. My fantasy has become a nightmare.


Someone else like me

Many of you relay how your husband feels about their AP’s and how they were just available for sex. And
That they didn’t have feelings for them and the sex wasn’t as good.
I am asking if any of you who read these blogs are dealing with the aftermath of an affair where you husband was in love with the AP. But is still staying in the marriage
Is there anyone else out there?


Speculation

I was out for a drink with the 22 year old. Her boyfriend is a bar tender at a local restaurant. While there a group of men came in. Five of them two had wedding rings on although I suspect they were all married. Soon a woman came in and joined them. It didn’t appear as if she were married to any of them. She was wearing a wedding ring too. Of course my jaded mind thought she was there looking for a husband to steel or lead astray.
She could have been one of their wives. She might not have had any intentions other than to have a drink. But that isn’t where my mind went.
My innocence is gone. Or was it simply naivety? Or have I become a bitch who trusts no one, especially another woman?


What I talk about with my grown daughters

I was talking to my girls today about how I was raised a white American princess. Except we didn’t have money. It was kind of a mind set. I don’t think my mother intended to raise me that way but that was the outcome.
One of the aspects of being said princess is that the men in our lives are supposed to take care of us and basically worship us. ( not the kind of man I married. Obviously.) And we need to have such men in our lives.
To which my daughters replied
The 22 year old: I don’t need a man except to string along for sex. Sorry mom but you raised whores.
The 30 year old: I’m not a whore… Any more. I’m a recovering whore.

It was funny. At least at the time.

Those things being said. I did not raise them to be whores ( in this case meaning sexually promiscuous ) I actually advocated waiting for sex till marriage. They didn’t listen. Surprise surprise. I’ll blame it on the media. Yeah that sounds good.


Why

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This is why infidelity is so fucking painful.


What a girl wants

Some one told me to think about one thing I want. That would make me happy.
Well I don’t usually know what that one thing would be at any given moment.

But I do right now.

At this moment the thing that would make me happy would be some really great sex.
Yup I want to get fucked!!!
I want my partner to be totally focused on me and making sure I was completely satisfied.

Not going to happen but it is a nice thought!


ramblings of a wanton woman.

There are times when I wonder if I really am very different from everyone else.

I am a woman who likes to have sex and to have it often.  I don’t get it.  The husband has never wanted sex as much as me.  ( a fact that makes his affair even more distressing)

I know the exact dates of the last two times we had sex.  October 11.  I sent him a text and asked if having sex that night would be a possibility. He obliged.

We had sex again last night.  I did not ask for it as bluntly but I went to bed naked and I think he got the hint.   The issue is that it is not enough for me… I really wanted to have sex again today.    The other issue I guess is that I am not sure the husband really wants to have sex with me or if he is just fulfilling his duty as my husband.  And when we do have sex is it me he is thinking about?  I hate when his eyes are closed.

for about two months after I discovered the affair, sex between us was great, and often.  little did I know that the so-called emotional affair he was in and was ending was also physical and not ending.

Ok I thought writing this would help somehow… it isn’t    I am getting angry and feeling worse.

I wish I could get what I need from my husband.   physically and emotionally!   either that or for him just to go.  and let me heal from this non-stop unbearable pain.

 

 

 


Feeling

I’m with my daughter at Victoria secret so many beautiful sexy nighties to wear. It is depressing me for several reasons.
1. My body would lower the sexy quotient.
2. I don’t think the husband desires me anyway so what would the point be.

It all makes me feel worthless as a woman.
I hope she hurries. Indeed to get out of here.


the weekend was good.  Except for some car problems that added stress to our trip.

My daughter arranged a surprise birthday party for me.   it was a very nice party.  just family.  My kids, grandkids, brothers and their wives, my uncle and my two favorite cousins.

My uncle gave me a card that said I am someone who never ceases to amaze him, he had me read it while he was there and then told me that he always felt that way about me and my talent and he is happy I am finishing my degree.   I told him he has to come to my graduation.   He is the last of my aunts and uncles.  He is my mother’s sister’s husband.    He is in his late 80’s.  That was a priceless moment for me.

The husband and I got along well this weekend.

I was slightly angry because we did not have sex.  I have posted before about my desire to have more sex.  I used to be more understanding of our differences in this area, but since his affair I am not as understanding.  I figure if he managed to have sex with two women for two years, then he should have no problem keeping me satisfied.  and I get a bit pissed when we don’t see each other for five days and then he is home and doesn’t want to have sex.  I will calmly talk to him about this at some point soon.

That is one thing that I think we are getting out of our counseling,  the ability, desire, to talk, really talk about what is going on.  We still have a lot to learn.  It really is a slow process.

 


what’s it all about?

July 27

lets talk about sex. 

a younger person recently told me that it truly is all about sex.  Is it?

I have found that I am different that many other women I talk with.  Not that we specifically talk about sex.  but they make it clear that sex is much more important to their husbands than it is to them.  It seems as though things have always been the opposite in my marriage. 

According to this younger person, who is a male, if the sex is good a man will do anything for you.  and that is where the love he feels for you comes from. 

I beg to differ with this young gentleman.  Although I think sex is very,very important.  I don’t think it is a good barometer for love in a relationship.  So many other things play a part. 

That being said.   I want to say that I want to have sex.  often.  more often than the  husband and I actually have sex.  But even more than that I want my husband to want to have sex with me.  I want to know that he dreams about it.  that he craves it.  I want to be the utmost object of his desire. 

I am going to get to be in the same town as the husband for the next week or so.  and guess what.  we won’t have sex that much.  (unless maybe he reads this)  He is in too much pain.  His grief is too overwhelming.  So it is ok that we don’t have sex.  Now that is what is most important in a relationship.  Knowing what the other person is going through and putting aside your own wants, desires, and needs for them. 

I am going to be with him so he is not alone.  (even though he thinks he wants to be alone)   So I can comfort him when he cries.  When he misses his mother.  when he needs me.