Category Archives: sex

Fantasy to nightmare

I’m really feeling the need for intimacy lately. I talk to my husband on the phone and feel intense desire for him. I have in the past written him fantasy texts and I thought I might do that tonight via email. I began writing a scenario but had to stop. It included an element of surprise. I couldn’t continue. I kept thinking he would call her name instead of mine. My fantasy has become a nightmare.

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Someone else like me

Many of you relay how your husband feels about their AP’s and how they were just available for sex. And
That they didn’t have feelings for them and the sex wasn’t as good.
I am asking if any of you who read these blogs are dealing with the aftermath of an affair where you husband was in love with the AP. But is still staying in the marriage
Is there anyone else out there?


Speculation

I was out for a drink with the 22 year old. Her boyfriend is a bar tender at a local restaurant. While there a group of men came in. Five of them two had wedding rings on although I suspect they were all married. Soon a woman came in and joined them. It didn’t appear as if she were married to any of them. She was wearing a wedding ring too. Of course my jaded mind thought she was there looking for a husband to steel or lead astray.
She could have been one of their wives. She might not have had any intentions other than to have a drink. But that isn’t where my mind went.
My innocence is gone. Or was it simply naivety? Or have I become a bitch who trusts no one, especially another woman?


What I talk about with my grown daughters

I was talking to my girls today about how I was raised a white American princess. Except we didn’t have money. It was kind of a mind set. I don’t think my mother intended to raise me that way but that was the outcome.
One of the aspects of being said princess is that the men in our lives are supposed to take care of us and basically worship us. ( not the kind of man I married. Obviously.) And we need to have such men in our lives.
To which my daughters replied
The 22 year old: I don’t need a man except to string along for sex. Sorry mom but you raised whores.
The 30 year old: I’m not a whore… Any more. I’m a recovering whore.

It was funny. At least at the time.

Those things being said. I did not raise them to be whores ( in this case meaning sexually promiscuous ) I actually advocated waiting for sex till marriage. They didn’t listen. Surprise surprise. I’ll blame it on the media. Yeah that sounds good.


Why

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This is why infidelity is so fucking painful.


What a girl wants

Some one told me to think about one thing I want. That would make me happy.
Well I don’t usually know what that one thing would be at any given moment.

But I do right now.

At this moment the thing that would make me happy would be some really great sex.
Yup I want to get fucked!!!
I want my partner to be totally focused on me and making sure I was completely satisfied.

Not going to happen but it is a nice thought!


ramblings of a wanton woman.

There are times when I wonder if I really am very different from everyone else.

I am a woman who likes to have sex and to have it often.  I don’t get it.  The husband has never wanted sex as much as me.  ( a fact that makes his affair even more distressing)

I know the exact dates of the last two times we had sex.  October 11.  I sent him a text and asked if having sex that night would be a possibility. He obliged.

We had sex again last night.  I did not ask for it as bluntly but I went to bed naked and I think he got the hint.   The issue is that it is not enough for me… I really wanted to have sex again today.    The other issue I guess is that I am not sure the husband really wants to have sex with me or if he is just fulfilling his duty as my husband.  And when we do have sex is it me he is thinking about?  I hate when his eyes are closed.

for about two months after I discovered the affair, sex between us was great, and often.  little did I know that the so-called emotional affair he was in and was ending was also physical and not ending.

Ok I thought writing this would help somehow… it isn’t    I am getting angry and feeling worse.

I wish I could get what I need from my husband.   physically and emotionally!   either that or for him just to go.  and let me heal from this non-stop unbearable pain.