Tag Archives: 50th Birthday

what I want for my birthday today.

It is my birthday… today I turn 50.

Here is my birthday wish list

  1. a fully restored marriage.
  2. not to feel sad
  3. a good friend
  4. a clean house (done by the other adults that live in this house)
  5. a harmonious family

One wish for each decade of my life.

here’s to wishing on my birthday candles (I may or may not have a cake.. I never know with this family) for them all to be granted.

oh and if only one wish could be granted I would want it to be the fully restored marriage.    complete with the erasure of the pain of the husband’s affair.

 

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about my birthday.

Three more days until my 50th birthday.

50.   How do I feel about turning 50?   I guess I am glad to have made it this far.

When I was young I never thought I would live past the age of 36, since that is the age my mother was when she died.   So here I am about to turn 50.

Of course there was my two suicide attempts last year.  Yet here I am about to turn 50.

still not sure how to feel.

I want to celebrate.     I’ve always want to celebrate my birthday.    I can never remember having a really great birthday.  I am usually disappointed in some way or another.   I’m used to that.  Some years I have reconciled myself to the fact that nobody else thinks the anniversary of my birth is a big deal.   I feel people either find me a person of no consequence, or take me for granted, “oh, (aloneagain3) has always been here and always will”   I am a person not worth remembering.

As far as the actual years and how I feel about me personally?  Not too thrilled about some of the physical aspects of getting older.  Love that I will soon stop having periods!  Feel just a little bit wiser, not so much of a kid anymore.   I definitely feel like telling those who want to tell me what to do, “I am 50!  I can do what I want, when I want!”

So all in all I don’t feel too bad about reaching this milestone year.

Too bad some of the issues I am forced to deal with have me feeling like none of it matters and death might not be such a bad thing after all, even if they are brief moments.