Tag Archives: 50th Birthday

what I want for my birthday today.

It is my birthday… today I turn 50.

Here is my birthday wish list

  1. a fully restored marriage.
  2. not to feel sad
  3. a good friend
  4. a clean house (done by the other adults that live in this house)
  5. a harmonious family

One wish for each decade of my life.

here’s to wishing on my birthday candles (I may or may not have a cake.. I never know with this family) for them all to be granted.

oh and if only one wish could be granted I would want it to be the fully restored marriage.    complete with the erasure of the pain of the husband’s affair.


about my birthday.

Three more days until my 50th birthday.

50.   How do I feel about turning 50?   I guess I am glad to have made it this far.

When I was young I never thought I would live past the age of 36, since that is the age my mother was when she died.   So here I am about to turn 50.

Of course there was my two suicide attempts last year.  Yet here I am about to turn 50.

still not sure how to feel.

I want to celebrate.     I’ve always want to celebrate my birthday.    I can never remember having a really great birthday.  I am usually disappointed in some way or another.   I’m used to that.  Some years I have reconciled myself to the fact that nobody else thinks the anniversary of my birth is a big deal.   I feel people either find me a person of no consequence, or take me for granted, “oh, (aloneagain3) has always been here and always will”   I am a person not worth remembering.

As far as the actual years and how I feel about me personally?  Not too thrilled about some of the physical aspects of getting older.  Love that I will soon stop having periods!  Feel just a little bit wiser, not so much of a kid anymore.   I definitely feel like telling those who want to tell me what to do, “I am 50!  I can do what I want, when I want!”

So all in all I don’t feel too bad about reaching this milestone year.

Too bad some of the issues I am forced to deal with have me feeling like none of it matters and death might not be such a bad thing after all, even if they are brief moments.