I realized something today.
an attraction for a WS in having a affair has to do with living in the moment. living in the moment is more comfortable and natural than dwelling in the past or worrying about the future. We as spouses have a past full of, stresses and pain. We have a future filled with obligation and pressures to provide for the lives of their family. An AP has none of that, all they have are the moments together. there is no promise of a future. no past struggles. Just the hear and now. they have nothing of real substance or value, which can seem appealing to a stressed out spouse who probably feels neglected or pressured. In our case my husband is angry about our past and fearful of our future, no wonder he can’t let go of her, she is only the here and now. They have no real investment in each others lives. true there is emotion between them, there has been (and probably would be again if the opportunity arose) sex between them. But what substance does any of it have? Any future she may think they are building is a false hope, he is married to me and has not made any indication that that will change. He has not given up, he is still trying to solve the problems we have. He is not the type of man to put his efforts into something he is not interested in maintaining. True, he is not doing everything he needs to do to heal our marriage, but he is still full of fear and somehow finds a relief from that through her. (I am not excusing or condoning this, I am just calling it as I see it) I hope to show him through some reading I have been doing how living in the moment with me can help us put the past behind us and the future in perspective.
as we all know a diamond becomes a diamond because of the pressure it endures, it is a beautiful and precious thing. It has great value.
Remember this as the affair recovery journey moves forward, the marriage will become strong, beautiful and valuable. it will shine bright like a diamond.