Tag Archives: counseling

My life and welcome to it. or should I say you can have it.

I thought I would tell you about the tenor of my home at this time. 

first of all there are three adult women living here.  That in and of its self can be trouble, but add-on the fact that all three of us are suffering from some degree of depression.
 I am 51 years old and still for the most part pre-menopausal I have had recent health issues with iron levels and complications from procedures that I had done. I am very depressed and am not the same person I was four years ago.
My oldest daughter just turned 30. She started school full-time in January so she does not have a job. She has health issues as well. Her thyroid levels were very high but she seems to be feeling better since she finally began taking her medication. She is the single mother of my four-year old grandson. She is also depressed and sees a counselor twice a month. She is the type of person who can’t stand to see someone else happy when she is not. When she is in a bad mood it is best to just get out of her way. She feels she is always helping everyone else and no one helps her. She was always her dad’s favorite and has used that to get her way on many occasions. She has at times gotten between my husband and me.
My youngest child and daughter is 22. At the moment she works two jobs, both a large retail chains. Both don’t offer enough hours or enough pay. She would like to start school but seems to be very afraid. She has a boyfriend who loves her dearly. I don’t think she loves him the way he loves her. She drinks too much. I believe she abuses alcohol as an escape from life. I wouldn’t say she is a full-blown alcoholic yet, but if things don’t change that seems to be the path she is on. She has begun seeing a counselor twice a month as well. They are working on her self-esteem. Her physical health seems to be well with the exception of some yet to diagnosed seasonal allergies. She is very angry at her father. He has been away working for the better part of her life. He also is harder on her about her life choices or lack there of. The older she gets, however, the more of him I see in her, and it isn’t his better qualities.
Also living here is my 4-year-old grandson. Believe it or not he is also seeing a counselor, once a week. He has anger issues, I’m not sure if he has a definite diagnosis or not. He has a hard time listening when he really wants to do something. He is also the biggest sweetheart, and has a lot of love. He is very intelligent which can get him in trouble. He goes to preschool through the head start program and we get behavior reports on him almost daily. He attends an anger management play group which he loves to go to. He almost never sees his dad which has contributed to his anger. In reality I co-parent him with his mother, but I am not sure she would like to admit to that. I stay out of her parenting of him when she is home though. part of my effort not to feel responsible for everyone and everything.
Then there are the animals.
I have two dogs. I used to spend a great deal of time investing in my dogs training and care. Then came D-day and the following depression. the dogs have suffered I am sorry to say. My male dog, although he is neutered, will pee on boxes and bags and sometimes furniture. He also likes to poop in my office. They both like to get into the trash and distribute it all over the kitchen. They both like to eat underwear and sometimes the crotch of a pair of pants. When let loose in the house (they are house dogs) they scavenge for food, knowing they will find it since no one takes their plates to the kitchen when they are finished with them.
The two cats that reside here belong to my son, who now lives tow hours away. They have been here for about three years. They are actually not too much of a bother except for the fact that they need fed and the litter box needs cleaning. both of which I tend to neglect most of the time. the boy cat who is also neutered, is always going outside even though we do not really want him to. The female hasn’t been a very friendly cat, but she is coming around after all these years. My son is planning on moving them with him but I am not sure when. Today the male actually caught two small mice in the house, that was a good thing.
the last inhabitant of the house is my bird,two weeks ago I had two birds, but one of them met an untimely death at the hands of the grandson, one of the dogs may have been involved as well. At any rate I have one bird, a cocatiel. she creates a big mess around her cage and I am not that good at keeping it clean either. It is sad to me that my animals have always been good companions to me, at this time in my life they are only something else I am responsible for. I am ashamed of this.

This is all I have to deal with on a daily basis. Alone. The husband when included, will simply hang up the phone if he doesn’t want to deal with it, of course if he chooses to become involved he tells us all, how badly we handle things, and how he can’t take the chaos, and why would he want to come home to this. Maybe it should be for the same reason I am still here, they are my family! It is crazy. It is my life.  


life and classes.

One week of classes in.  I am feeling good and enjoying it.  I never liked college when I was young.  but I really like it now.  my classes are interesting and I think I am making good responses.

as far as  the rest of my life things seem to be the same.  My children are not any better at helping with the house.    The husband still talks to Her.  We have been talking about it a bit more… which is good I guess.   I do wish we were still in joint counseling.

I am concentrating on my classes as best I can, and trying not to get too bothered by the rest of it all.

 


Classes, Children, Counseling, Christmas, & Me.

I began my on-line class this weekend.   I think I like the method of teaching through quiz taking.  Although I need to chill about the score and use it as more of a study tool.   tomorrow I will re-take chapter 2 quiz a few more times. and then move on to the exam for chapters 1 and 2.

So this is what else is going on.   28-year-old is still in the hospital recovering from her gunshot wound.   21-year-old announced that she is pregnant and is going to get an abortion.  couples counselor told us he will no longer be counseling us because there has been little or no (mostly no) progress in one of the big issues we went there for, the husbands continued relationship (no matter what level it is on) with Her.  The husband will begin individual counseling and I will continue with mine.   I would still like to be having couples counseling and hope we can get back to it soon.

five days till christmas and I am certainly not ready and I don’t think I will be.   Funny, I am actually ok with that.  I have never been ok with that before.   I have some gifts bought, most decorations up, no baking done.  It has always been very important to me to have a beautifully decorated house and cookies and breads to give away, but this year it just isn’t.

I guess I am getting stronger, I feel that I could handle life on my own.  I am feeling stronger.  I am making decisions that are more healthy for me.  although I am taking baby steps at least I am moving forward.

 


the weekend was good.  Except for some car problems that added stress to our trip.

My daughter arranged a surprise birthday party for me.   it was a very nice party.  just family.  My kids, grandkids, brothers and their wives, my uncle and my two favorite cousins.

My uncle gave me a card that said I am someone who never ceases to amaze him, he had me read it while he was there and then told me that he always felt that way about me and my talent and he is happy I am finishing my degree.   I told him he has to come to my graduation.   He is the last of my aunts and uncles.  He is my mother’s sister’s husband.    He is in his late 80’s.  That was a priceless moment for me.

The husband and I got along well this weekend.

I was slightly angry because we did not have sex.  I have posted before about my desire to have more sex.  I used to be more understanding of our differences in this area, but since his affair I am not as understanding.  I figure if he managed to have sex with two women for two years, then he should have no problem keeping me satisfied.  and I get a bit pissed when we don’t see each other for five days and then he is home and doesn’t want to have sex.  I will calmly talk to him about this at some point soon.

That is one thing that I think we are getting out of our counseling,  the ability, desire, to talk, really talk about what is going on.  We still have a lot to learn.  It really is a slow process.

 


fighting, not fighting and enjoying time together.

Couples counseling today… it was productive all be it ugly.   there was some yelling.  some truth-telling.  and some crying.

I am still living with actions I do not want to live with.  However, we had some good communication.   we even continued some of the conversation this evening without fighting.

This is a long and difficult process.  I know there will be more ugly before we get to the good.

We are minimising the time spent dwelling on the issues… we need some relaxing times together, and some fun.

Tomorrow we are “making a day of it” to celebrate my birthday.  We will drive two hours to the larger city near us, go to a jewelry store we know to get some things repaired, head to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch/dinner, then a possible visit to my uncles, and maybe a trip to Ikea.   it is supposed to be a nice day and I am looking forward to it.