Tag Archives: flashbacks

Small steps toward reality

Had a mini panic attack while I was on my walk today. I was overwhelmed with thoughts of my husband and his AP. some thoughts were flashbacks of times they were together and other thoughts were about times they might be together in the future.
I tried to call my husband to talk to him about it but he didn’t answer. Just as well. It probably wouldn’t have gone well.
I managed to recover before my walk was over. I added an extra mile tonight.
When we talked later I didn’t mention it because he was frustrated about not being able to adjust his bike.
He did ask if we could come and visit him while the people he stays with are on vacation. So I will plan on that.
I really wasn’t sure he wanted to see me at all.
I am beginning to live as if that is reality. Small steps out of my fantasy of what my marriage is into what the truth is.

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