Tag Archives: goals

expectations.

The first day of the new year is over and done with.  no big new years day dinner.  no anything.  I spent most of the day in bed.  I really only got up because my son needed his work shoes at work.

I then decided to take the ornaments off the tree.  the tree however is still in its temporary home in my living room dropping an excessive amount of needles.

Then back to bed for a while.

my next big task for the first day of the new year was to wash dishes.  can not wait till the dishwasher is fixed.  the second I finished washing them the 29 year old got herself something to eat, resulting in new dirty dishes in the sink.

after that I sat and played a couple of games on my iPhone then came up to my room with the intentions of paying bills. or at least seeing what needed to be paid.  but first of course I went to bed.

I am not sure what to expect from this new year.   I feel like so much is expected of me.

Be a good wife.    translation; let me do what ever I want and don’t “bust my balls” or “pound” me about it

Be a good mother.  translation; Watch my son, cook my meals, pay for everything, clean the house, and tell me how much you appreciate everything I do for you.

Be a good employee.  translation;  work when we schedule you, even if it is only three hours a day three days a week, go back to the bottom of the “food chain” and be told what to do by everyone, not just the bosses, and you are a good worker so we will let the bad worker stay in the position you had because there is less customer contact.

Be good to yourself.  Translation;  tell everyone to go jump off a cliff and begin again… but that isn’t what I want.

so goals for 2013?

OK

number one.    push the 29 year old and her chickadee out of the nest.

Oh, goals need a time frame?

by the end of  January?    That would be nice.

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The road might just be a super-highway.

Here is what has been going on with me the last few weeks.

  • Husband and I began counseling.
  • I have a definite plan in place to finish my degree.
  • classes I teach at work are becoming more attended.
  • getting the house organized
  • have put children on notice that some things need to change.
  • my pet bird died.  very sad and tragic.

counseling seems to be going well.  We both like the therapist.  and I feel we are both comfortable saying what is on our minds.  sessions are once a week, and the Husband takes the time off work that he needs to take to attend.

I met with a Dean at the university that I will be attending to finish my degree.  I have 6 classes to take.  4 through distance ed on the internet and two on campus.  I will be graduating in May.

I have actual students signed up and attending the classes I teach at work.  They are paper crafting classes and are great fun for me.

I friend came and helped me organize all the cake decorating supplies that were in the dining  room.  she will be back to help with other areas as well.  Another friend came to help my son clean out the basement.  Many things have been thrown out!  He should be back in a couple of weeks to finish that task.

I had a short meeting with my children about how our living situation needed to change so we could live more comfortably and so I am not continually taken advantage of. I did not get into specifics as of yet, I will be meeting with them individually to do that.  My therapist and I are working on a specific plan on how to do that.

My poor bird.  Mr. Yikes.  It appears as though he was trying to escape from his cage and got his neck caught.  I am sure you can imagine in the rest.  He was a 5-year-old Nanday  Conure.  very beautiful.  He said a couple of things, one of which was “good night” every time the light would be turned off.  I will miss him.


on the road

things are moving in what seems to be a positive direction.

  • I have a new mental health counselor.  He is more proactive in making changes in me than the last one.  I like that.
  • The Husband and I are in couples counseling.  once a week.  so far we have gone once. It went well for a first visit.  We are both hopeful.
  • I have a realtor coming to look at the house to see what we need to do to get it ready for the market.  although I don’t really have the house ready for her to come and look at it.
  • I have someone lined up to help clean out the basement.
  • I have someone who is going to help me get everything organized.  She was here on Tuesday and we got the cake decorating supplies organized.
  • I have a meeting with a dean at the university that I attended way back when to select classes and finish my degree.  It will be a degree in general studies. The best part is I only need five classes to finish.  Yes I said 5!!!!
  • I have told my daughters that the situation in this house is no longer tolerable, and that I will be talking with them individually in the next couple of weeks about specifics that need addressing.

I am on the road to a better life.  I believe it is the life I have been fighting to have for the last two years.

I am on the road to being STRONG, ASSERTIVE & RESPECTED!    That is my goal and that is what my new self talk is all about.


bike riding update

 May 11

around 11am I called  the 25-year-old and said, “come over, I am going to try to ride the bike.  I need help, encouragement and someone to take me to the hospital when I get hurt.”   He replied, “I’ll be over”     I am sure that after watching me dance to the Xbox kinect Michael Jackson experience the other day he was more than happy for more entertaining activities of his not quite 50-year-old mother. 

I also woke up the 20-year-old. 

I think it was about noon when we headed outside and I pulled the pink retro style bike out to the sidewalk. 

I straddled the bike and became instantly filled with fear and anxiety.  But I was determined, and I reminded myself that God is not the author of fear.  My son was close by. it didn’t help.  I was yelling at him not to push me and that I was scared.  I kept saying that I can’t too this, I am too afraid.  I was not happy with myself.  I kept asking, “why can’t I do this?”

  I told him that I thought the seat needed lowered.  he went to look for a wrench, and I rode the bike for about 30 feet.   no one saw it. (figures)

The seat was lowered.  I got on the bike and rode up the street.  about a half a block.  stopped the bike turned it around and rode back down the slight downward slope, (yikes)  they were telling me to peddle, but the bike was going all on its own, faster and faster.  so i put the brakes on.  They then told me not to go so slow.  Slow is fine for me.   I stopped st the intersection.  waited for the cars to go by, and started off again. 

The kids told me that I had to ride all the way to the park. (about 3 or 4 blocks)  so I did.    When we got to the grassy area of the park, I rode in the grass to practice turning. (turning scares me too)    I did a few turns.  riding in the grass is more of a workout than riding on the road. 

It was then time to ride back home.  I told my daughter to take a video of me to send to the husband.   she said you are too far away and will have to turn around.  I was in a three-way intersection with lots of room so I did.  it went ok.  then they told me to turn around again.  no intersection.  I ended up heading in someones driveway and had to stop and back up.  all this was recorded on her phone. 

Of course the husband showed it to his office staff.  they all got a good laugh.  so glad I am here to amuse people. 

Day one of the bike riding experience was a success, at least in my book.  here’s to a good day two tomorrow.


fear of riding a bike

 

may 10

I have been thinking about my inability to ride a bike again.  Probably due to the fact that the husband has been riding almost every night.  The town where he is has some beautiful places to ride. 

He sent me a picture of the bike he got to ride.

 
bike by the lake

this is where he rides to.  well one of the places.  there are other nice places too. 

I would like to go with him. 

So once again I am going to try to overcome my fear and learn to ride a bike.   what a thing to learn at the age of almost 50. 

I plan on praying about it.  God is not the author of fear. I will acknowledge that, and believe that I can do it.  Well I know I can do it, but i am so damn scared. 

God truly is not the author of fear.  He does not want me to be afraid. 

so Wednesday will be day one of my new bike riding  experience.


I am glorious.

april 26

I was over taken by negative thoughts today.  I was overwhelmed with all the things that needed to be done.

so what did I do? I did nothing.  I played a game on the computer.

I finally decided to take a walk.  I was listening to some music while walking and this song played…

 everything glorious

I was able to put my negative thoughts away for a while and just think about the fact that I am glorious.  I still didn’t get anything done, (well I did take care of the grandson unexpectedly)  

Tomorrow I will try to tackle things again. One at a time. I will ask God to get me through it.  He will. 

He made everything glorious, He made me, and I am glorious.


#1 on my to do list. Make a to do list.

april 19

Today I was depressed and unmotivated.  I could not get moving. so practically nothing got accomplished. 

all I did manage to get done was some preparation for the class I teach on Wednesdays.  I teach a basic scrapbook class.  I enjoy teaching the class for the most part. although I am always fearful that I will make a fool of myself or be boring. 

as for the rest of everything, I need to make a list. prioritize it and then do it.  I believe I also need to make my daughters do some of the things that will be on that list.    problem is I am not in the mood to make a list.  it is just another thing I can’t get done.  ugh! 

so here goes.  The #1 item on my to do list is to make a to do list.    maybe I will get that done tomorrow.