Tag Archives: grandchildren

My life and welcome to it. or should I say you can have it.

I thought I would tell you about the tenor of my home at this time. 

first of all there are three adult women living here.  That in and of its self can be trouble, but add-on the fact that all three of us are suffering from some degree of depression.
 I am 51 years old and still for the most part pre-menopausal I have had recent health issues with iron levels and complications from procedures that I had done. I am very depressed and am not the same person I was four years ago.
My oldest daughter just turned 30. She started school full-time in January so she does not have a job. She has health issues as well. Her thyroid levels were very high but she seems to be feeling better since she finally began taking her medication. She is the single mother of my four-year old grandson. She is also depressed and sees a counselor twice a month. She is the type of person who can’t stand to see someone else happy when she is not. When she is in a bad mood it is best to just get out of her way. She feels she is always helping everyone else and no one helps her. She was always her dad’s favorite and has used that to get her way on many occasions. She has at times gotten between my husband and me.
My youngest child and daughter is 22. At the moment she works two jobs, both a large retail chains. Both don’t offer enough hours or enough pay. She would like to start school but seems to be very afraid. She has a boyfriend who loves her dearly. I don’t think she loves him the way he loves her. She drinks too much. I believe she abuses alcohol as an escape from life. I wouldn’t say she is a full-blown alcoholic yet, but if things don’t change that seems to be the path she is on. She has begun seeing a counselor twice a month as well. They are working on her self-esteem. Her physical health seems to be well with the exception of some yet to diagnosed seasonal allergies. She is very angry at her father. He has been away working for the better part of her life. He also is harder on her about her life choices or lack there of. The older she gets, however, the more of him I see in her, and it isn’t his better qualities.
Also living here is my 4-year-old grandson. Believe it or not he is also seeing a counselor, once a week. He has anger issues, I’m not sure if he has a definite diagnosis or not. He has a hard time listening when he really wants to do something. He is also the biggest sweetheart, and has a lot of love. He is very intelligent which can get him in trouble. He goes to preschool through the head start program and we get behavior reports on him almost daily. He attends an anger management play group which he loves to go to. He almost never sees his dad which has contributed to his anger. In reality I co-parent him with his mother, but I am not sure she would like to admit to that. I stay out of her parenting of him when she is home though. part of my effort not to feel responsible for everyone and everything.
Then there are the animals.
I have two dogs. I used to spend a great deal of time investing in my dogs training and care. Then came D-day and the following depression. the dogs have suffered I am sorry to say. My male dog, although he is neutered, will pee on boxes and bags and sometimes furniture. He also likes to poop in my office. They both like to get into the trash and distribute it all over the kitchen. They both like to eat underwear and sometimes the crotch of a pair of pants. When let loose in the house (they are house dogs) they scavenge for food, knowing they will find it since no one takes their plates to the kitchen when they are finished with them.
The two cats that reside here belong to my son, who now lives tow hours away. They have been here for about three years. They are actually not too much of a bother except for the fact that they need fed and the litter box needs cleaning. both of which I tend to neglect most of the time. the boy cat who is also neutered, is always going outside even though we do not really want him to. The female hasn’t been a very friendly cat, but she is coming around after all these years. My son is planning on moving them with him but I am not sure when. Today the male actually caught two small mice in the house, that was a good thing.
the last inhabitant of the house is my bird,two weeks ago I had two birds, but one of them met an untimely death at the hands of the grandson, one of the dogs may have been involved as well. At any rate I have one bird, a cocatiel. she creates a big mess around her cage and I am not that good at keeping it clean either. It is sad to me that my animals have always been good companions to me, at this time in my life they are only something else I am responsible for. I am ashamed of this.

This is all I have to deal with on a daily basis. Alone. The husband when included, will simply hang up the phone if he doesn’t want to deal with it, of course if he chooses to become involved he tells us all, how badly we handle things, and how he can’t take the chaos, and why would he want to come home to this. Maybe it should be for the same reason I am still here, they are my family! It is crazy. It is my life.  

Bad day

Not a good day so far.
1. Had a 45 minute battle with the grandson forcing him to take his time out for peeing on my floor.

2. Cell phones were shut off because I was late in paying it and I already run a month behind. They are back on now. But now I will have to suffer the wrath of the husband. He currently isn’t talking to me because “I’m too angry and upset and frightened. ”

3. My department manager just came back from vacation today. I’m off till Saturday. So I called to see if everything was in good order when she got back. It wasn’t. Part my fault part a coworker’s. but it makes me feel bad. I thought I had done well. But not enough orders were complete and some papers we out of place (coworkers fault) but I should have done it myself.

Now I need to get cleaning done and I feel overwhelmed and defeated
This is why I feel like a failure. There are so many more things I’m bad at than good at.

Home from the hospital

I have been discharged from the hospital.
That is a good thing right?
I am glad to be home except for the mess that was here when I went in and is still here only bigger now.
I don’t have to work till Thursday so hopefully I can get some things done.
First on my list is to make all of my follow up appointments.
I still need to have a endoscopy. And a colonoscopy.
Then I have to see all the drs I saw in the hospital.
I will still be watching the grandson every day.
It is good to be home. I think.

the secret to staying young.

I woke my granson up to get him ready for school today by wishing him a happy birthday. 

He turned 4.

The fist words out of his mouth were “Where’s my cake?”

my answer was “it’s not made yet”

His next sentence was “Where is K (his cousin)”

To which I reply “She is at school”

He then says “she can have some of my cake with me” 

I then turned the conversation to how old he was. 

His final answer on the matter was “I’m not 4 till I have my cake” 

So now I know the secret to keeping my youth… never eat birthday cake again!



I went on an adventure with the grandson today to see my son and his family. I have not seen them in since July of 2011.
I told my son I was coming and he said ok. He said they had some stuff to do but if they weren’t there to wait. Then about an hour later. Just as we were about to walk out the door, he sent me a text asking if I could come Wednesday. I said no. Then he said how about in two weeks. I stood my ground and went anyway. We actually had a nice, albeit short visit. I was able to give my granddaughter her Christmas gifts and my grandson was so excited to see his cousin. When we left he said “L____ is beautiful I love her”. That really made the two and a half hour trip worth it.
It is the first time in a while that I did what I wanted to do and didn’t give in to what others told me to do.
I feel good. First time in a while.
I am sure my daughter-in-law isn’t happy with me. But she never is anyway. I am so glad to have seen my granddaughter.


What I really really want!!!

I just want to live with my husband alone. No children or grandchildren. Isn’t that the way it should be for a couple who has been married for thirty years!!!!

seconds to fail.

I guess I did a stupid thing tonight.   I decided to follow through with my plan to get the exam due by midnight on the 27th out-of-the-way early so I could get ahead on the work for the next couple of days, even though the grandson was not fully asleep.

He interrupted me enough that I did not get the test submitted before time ran out,  by seconds.

now I have a zero on the exam.  I have sent an email to the professor asking that she accept it anyway and the reason why I exceeded the time limit. We will see what she says.

so my grade has gone from an 89% to a 71% because of this.  I am more than pissed.  at myself, at my grandson, at my daughter for taking so long to get home.  and at my son who came home but didn’t stay to help me out.  I am so tired of being angry and for having reasons to be angry.