Tag Archives: plans

on a positive note

I am going to try to be more positive in my posts and in my daily attitude.
not necessarily about the state of my marriage, that would just be lying to myself.
I am going to do positive things for ME. for the betterment of my everyday life here and now and for my future.
so today I opened and ETSY account. It isn’t quite up and running yet. My goal is to have it on-line by the end of the week. I hope to sell some paintings on slate that I have hanging around from my old craft show day. I also think I want to sell some on my homemade scrapbook embellishments. but first I will list the slates.
Here is to the beginning of a new month and a new attitude for me.

needing a break

I have been very busy with school and the family….


today I want to scream…. LEAVE ME ALONE! PLEASE.    I

I need a break from my family.   I can’t even begin to explain the issues that every one of them is having.  they are all so needy and on the verge of breakdowns… the problem is I just can’t help them anymore.  I don’t have the time, energy, or answers to do what they need.  and even if I did have the answer they wouldn’t and don’t do what needs to be done to help themselves… they are all grown up   they need to start acting like it.   and I need to get away.  next week is my spring break from school … I am planing to go and stay with the husband, we really need some time together.  although since he took over the bills and finances (thank goodness, finally!!!)  he is very stressed and his stress usually means stress for me.  so I pray that we will have a good week.

WELL   time to get back to the school work.

plans for me.

I was restless all day.  not sure why.

had a good session with the therapist.  I have been instructed to do something for myself  in the next week.  He identified 3 specific things.

  1. go out for drinks with my neighbor on Wednesday as planned.
  2. go for a hike
  3. go scrapbook with my sister-in-law.

1 and 2 shouldn’t be a problem but I am not too sure if 3 is going to work out. We will see.

so all in all today was a better day.

The road might just be a super-highway.

Here is what has been going on with me the last few weeks.

  • Husband and I began counseling.
  • I have a definite plan in place to finish my degree.
  • classes I teach at work are becoming more attended.
  • getting the house organized
  • have put children on notice that some things need to change.
  • my pet bird died.  very sad and tragic.

counseling seems to be going well.  We both like the therapist.  and I feel we are both comfortable saying what is on our minds.  sessions are once a week, and the Husband takes the time off work that he needs to take to attend.

I met with a Dean at the university that I will be attending to finish my degree.  I have 6 classes to take.  4 through distance ed on the internet and two on campus.  I will be graduating in May.

I have actual students signed up and attending the classes I teach at work.  They are paper crafting classes and are great fun for me.

I friend came and helped me organize all the cake decorating supplies that were in the dining  room.  she will be back to help with other areas as well.  Another friend came to help my son clean out the basement.  Many things have been thrown out!  He should be back in a couple of weeks to finish that task.

I had a short meeting with my children about how our living situation needed to change so we could live more comfortably and so I am not continually taken advantage of. I did not get into specifics as of yet, I will be meeting with them individually to do that.  My therapist and I are working on a specific plan on how to do that.

My poor bird.  Mr. Yikes.  It appears as though he was trying to escape from his cage and got his neck caught.  I am sure you can imagine in the rest.  He was a 5-year-old Nanday  Conure.  very beautiful.  He said a couple of things, one of which was “good night” every time the light would be turned off.  I will miss him.

Get away or escape

I had a very nice weekend with my sister-in-law. 

It was nice to get away. 

Getting away would be even nicer if the life I had to return to was the life I wanted.  My life is so far from what I want it to be that I a simple get away is not enough.  I need an escape.

This is what I want my life to be:

  • living 24-7 in the same place as my husband.
  • grown children living in their own places.
  • spending some time with grandchildren for adventures
  • creating and selling artwork. 

If that were my life then a get away would be just that, a break from the everyday.  A life that I would not mind returning to.  A life I would not want to escape from.

I guess the next step would be to develop plans for those things to happen.  But we all know how things go when I make plans. 




who is in charge here anyway?

I am getting ready to go away for the weekend.  looking forward to some fun time with my sister-in-law which is part of the plans I made and posted about last week.

last year I went to this event with my sister.  It was fun except for the major anxiety attacks I was having.  Don’t think I will be having any this weekend.  although I just realized that it is in a very different location than last year.  I thought we were only going to be about an hour away from the town where the husband works.  Turns out it is two hours away.   He was going to drive down for lunch not sure if he will make the two-hour drive or not.  If he does not make the drive it means that I will not see him for 12 days in a row. That causes me anxiety. Change number one.

I have a different work schedule this coming week as well.  I work Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday.  the extra day is good as far as the extra money goes, but my weekend with the husband will be interrupted.   So if you check back to a couple of posts ago I laid out my plan for the next few weeks,  hoping that it would not be thwarted as usual.   This is change number two. 

Again I ask who is in charge of my  life?  cause it sure as hell isn’t me. 


the positive and the negative

june 16

I’m not sure what to write about today.  It was a rather ordinary day.  I watched the grandson, it rained off and on, and so we mostly watched movies.  Thankfully the 20-year-old took the grandson for a little while so I could take a nap. 

No conflicts today. 

I am looking forward to the weekend.  Well at least parts of it.  The part about staying at my mother-in-laws, not so much.  Seeing the husband, very much.  having a visit with an old school mate, very much. 

The problem I have with looking forward to things is that when I do I almost always get disappointed.  I am tired of  disappointments.  

 I never really thought I was such a negative person.  I hope that it is a result of my depression and will fade as the depression gets better.  The thing is that I am not all that depressed right now.  I mean I don’t have nearly as many depressed days as I did several months ago. 

So my question becomes, is the negativity a result of the depression, or is the depression a result of the negativity?    Or does it really even matter? 

So I have positive things happening this weekend.  Why can’t I simply be positive about them?