Tag Archives: rebuilding trust

trust

losing trust is probably the most damaging thing that can happen in a relationship.   Trust is the cornerstone of every aspect of a relationship.  The lack of trust leaves a hole that is filled with doubt and questions.  Questions like “what is behind this action?”  “am I being manipulated?”  “is this genuine?’

Without trust joy and happiness become replaced with fear and sadness.  One begins to question their judgement.  Slowly life paradigms are distorted and hope fades.

Regaining trust is a fragile process and setbacks are more powerful than gains.   It takes a great deal of work.  Work by the one who has abused the trust, and an open mind by the one who has lost trust.   In my case my mind has been open,and my heart has been open.   What have I really opened myself up to? More hurt and more betrayal.

The husband has not done the work necessary,  so I have begun to close myself off.  Becoming callous. A callus is hard, rough and difficult to break through.  I do not want to be a person with callouses.

Advertisements

double standards.

really not happy with the double standard that has been set up here.

He gets to have Her.

I can’t even talk to the daughter of the Him I found.

He gets to blame me for his relationship with Her.

My couple of days with Him are also all my fault.

He gets to bring up my indiscretion when ever he wants.  I can’t even allude to his 2 1/2 year affair.

Double standards suck!


neither one of us.

I worked all day.  I wish I could say I believe what the husband said he was doing,  but that would require trust… not much of that there.  We are in a strange place.

I feel like this is where we are.. we are not making each other happy, yet we can’t imagine life with out one another.  And we do love one another.

I think I am still willing to do what it takes to make us work, but I am pretty sure the husband isn’t.   which leaves me not trusting him.

at some point something will have to give.  I have no idea when.  So until then life goes on as it is.


almost done with school

one more class.  two more tests,  two more forum posts,  one more essay exam, two final exams.  a wrap up assignment.   then Graduation.

I am proud, excited, aprehensive and wondering what do I do now.

I want to concentrate on my marriage.   I want my husband to concentrate on my marriage.

I am not sure about finding a job.  everyone else is sure I should find one.

I want to continue researching my family history.  I want to do some art work, scrapbooking, gardening, decorating, and spend time walking and hiking

I want to be happy.   I need to be happy.

I want to be able to trust my husband again… I think of all the things I have lost over the years losing the ability to trust him has been the hardest.

This is my new wish list… time to make it happen


You is Strong.

I just posted the video clip from the movie “The Help”   if I was better at navigating this blog posting stuff it would be inbedded in this post.  at any rate.

I need someone like the black woman in this clip.  (I appoligize if I am not politically correct in my terminology I do not mean to be).  I need someone to sit me down and tell me that I am kind, I am smart, and I am I am important.  I also need them to add that I am strong.

I need them to be here for the times when I forget that and I do stupid weak stuff.  like I did with the husband tonight.  I jumped at the littlest hint that he might be ready to give 100% to our marriage.  I showed weakness and not strength.  I need him to know that I can make it with out him.  That I deserve a honest committed husband who does not have a girlfriend on the side.   and that I will not settle for less.  and that the future of our marriage depends on his choice not mine.  He has the choice to make, not me.  I made my choice 30 years ago.  and I am sticking to it.

That being said I have a new choice to make in all my relationships.  I chose Myself.    I have never done that before.  not even as a child.  UGH.  now is when I need my own

I just posted the video clip from the movie “The Help”   if I was better at navigating this blog posting stuff it would be embedded in this post.  at any rate.

I need someone like the black woman in this clip.  (I apologize if I am not politically correct in my terminology I do not mean to be).  I need someone to sit me down and tell me that I am kind, I am smart, and I am I am important.  I also need them to add that I am strong.

I need them to be here for the times when I forget that and I do stupid weak stuff.  like I did with the husband tonight.  I jumped at the littlest hint that he might be ready to give 100% to our marriage.  I showed weakness and not strength.  I need him to know that I can make it with out him.  That I deserve a honest committed husband who does not have a girlfriend on the side.   and that I will not settle for less.  and that the future of our marriage depends on his choice not mine.  He has the choice to make, not me.  I made my choice 30 years ago.  and I am sticking to it.

That being said I have a new choice to make in all my relationships.  I chose Myself.    I have never done that before.  not even as a child.  UGH.  now is when I need my own Aibileen.  I need her right here beside me saying in a loving assertive voice.  YOU IS STRONG!

  I need her right here beside me saying in a loving assertive voice.  YOU IS STRONG!


Closer I am to fine

My first class is all but done.  I have finished all the regular class work but have been given the opportunity to retake one of the first five exams, so I will do that tomorrow.  At this point my final grade is 90.8  which is an A.    Needless to say I am happy about that.

As for the rest.  I am still not getting what I need from the Husband, as he is still talking to Her.  Of course he feels things are fine with us until I bring it up.  No, things are fine for him when I don’t bring it up, but I am still living with the uncertainty and pain of that relationship.

I have a plan in the works to address the way practical things are handled in this house.  I think it too is going to be a slow process.  The Daughters are not going to find it pleasant.  Again, a situation where things are fine if I don’t bring it up, and I just keep doing everything.  Yes, fine for them but not for me.

I pray that things will soon be fine for me as well as everyone else.    I am not sure any of them are going to like it when “fine” for me means I am not in a daily relationship with any of them.   Separation may still be warranted.

 


fighting, not fighting and enjoying time together.

Couples counseling today… it was productive all be it ugly.   there was some yelling.  some truth-telling.  and some crying.

I am still living with actions I do not want to live with.  However, we had some good communication.   we even continued some of the conversation this evening without fighting.

This is a long and difficult process.  I know there will be more ugly before we get to the good.

We are minimising the time spent dwelling on the issues… we need some relaxing times together, and some fun.

Tomorrow we are “making a day of it” to celebrate my birthday.  We will drive two hours to the larger city near us, go to a jewelry store we know to get some things repaired, head to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch/dinner, then a possible visit to my uncles, and maybe a trip to Ikea.   it is supposed to be a nice day and I am looking forward to it.