Tag Archives: sex

Fantasy to nightmare

I’m really feeling the need for intimacy lately. I talk to my husband on the phone and feel intense desire for him. I have in the past written him fantasy texts and I thought I might do that tonight via email. I began writing a scenario but had to stop. It included an element of surprise. I couldn’t continue. I kept thinking he would call her name instead of mine. My fantasy has become a nightmare.

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What I talk about with my grown daughters

I was talking to my girls today about how I was raised a white American princess. Except we didn’t have money. It was kind of a mind set. I don’t think my mother intended to raise me that way but that was the outcome.
One of the aspects of being said princess is that the men in our lives are supposed to take care of us and basically worship us. ( not the kind of man I married. Obviously.) And we need to have such men in our lives.
To which my daughters replied
The 22 year old: I don’t need a man except to string along for sex. Sorry mom but you raised whores.
The 30 year old: I’m not a whore… Any more. I’m a recovering whore.

It was funny. At least at the time.

Those things being said. I did not raise them to be whores ( in this case meaning sexually promiscuous ) I actually advocated waiting for sex till marriage. They didn’t listen. Surprise surprise. I’ll blame it on the media. Yeah that sounds good.


Why

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This is why infidelity is so fucking painful.


What a girl wants

Some one told me to think about one thing I want. That would make me happy.
Well I don’t usually know what that one thing would be at any given moment.

But I do right now.

At this moment the thing that would make me happy would be some really great sex.
Yup I want to get fucked!!!
I want my partner to be totally focused on me and making sure I was completely satisfied.

Not going to happen but it is a nice thought!


ramblings of a wanton woman.

There are times when I wonder if I really am very different from everyone else.

I am a woman who likes to have sex and to have it often.  I don’t get it.  The husband has never wanted sex as much as me.  ( a fact that makes his affair even more distressing)

I know the exact dates of the last two times we had sex.  October 11.  I sent him a text and asked if having sex that night would be a possibility. He obliged.

We had sex again last night.  I did not ask for it as bluntly but I went to bed naked and I think he got the hint.   The issue is that it is not enough for me… I really wanted to have sex again today.    The other issue I guess is that I am not sure the husband really wants to have sex with me or if he is just fulfilling his duty as my husband.  And when we do have sex is it me he is thinking about?  I hate when his eyes are closed.

for about two months after I discovered the affair, sex between us was great, and often.  little did I know that the so-called emotional affair he was in and was ending was also physical and not ending.

Ok I thought writing this would help somehow… it isn’t    I am getting angry and feeling worse.

I wish I could get what I need from my husband.   physically and emotionally!   either that or for him just to go.  and let me heal from this non-stop unbearable pain.

 

 

 


what’s it all about?

July 27

lets talk about sex. 

a younger person recently told me that it truly is all about sex.  Is it?

I have found that I am different that many other women I talk with.  Not that we specifically talk about sex.  but they make it clear that sex is much more important to their husbands than it is to them.  It seems as though things have always been the opposite in my marriage. 

According to this younger person, who is a male, if the sex is good a man will do anything for you.  and that is where the love he feels for you comes from. 

I beg to differ with this young gentleman.  Although I think sex is very,very important.  I don’t think it is a good barometer for love in a relationship.  So many other things play a part. 

That being said.   I want to say that I want to have sex.  often.  more often than the  husband and I actually have sex.  But even more than that I want my husband to want to have sex with me.  I want to know that he dreams about it.  that he craves it.  I want to be the utmost object of his desire. 

I am going to get to be in the same town as the husband for the next week or so.  and guess what.  we won’t have sex that much.  (unless maybe he reads this)  He is in too much pain.  His grief is too overwhelming.  So it is ok that we don’t have sex.  Now that is what is most important in a relationship.  Knowing what the other person is going through and putting aside your own wants, desires, and needs for them. 

I am going to be with him so he is not alone.  (even though he thinks he wants to be alone)   So I can comfort him when he cries.  When he misses his mother.  when he needs me.