Tag Archives: siblings

a whole lot of unfriending going on.

July 28

there is a whole lot of unfriending going on around here.  Facebook unfriending that is. 

The husband unfriended his siblings and their children the day after his mother’s funeral. 

Our nephew unfriended me that same day. 

My daughter-in-law unfriended me.  I’m not really sure when, I just noticed it today. 

The husband’s ex-wife thought that he unfriended her… he didn’t… he deactivated his whole account. 

My sister-in-law unfriended me today.  I guess she didn’t like the conversation I had with her today.  I was a bit emotional and she probably isn’t the one I should have been talking to.

finally I unfriended the husband’s ex-wife.   I should have listened to my brother’s wife and unfriended her right after the funeral.  My brother’s wife is usually right about things. 

I am kind of making light of a sad and serious break down of a family.  Although the family was never all that close a adults anyway.  Which makes me wonder why we think that the death of the matriarch would change that. 

There is a great deal of pain involved.  and in the case of some of the people in this family pain manifests itself into anger.  And anger leads to  unforgiveness. 

I pray that time will heal the wounds and the family can move on. 

 


aftermath of loss

July 12

I am feeling a plethora of emotions right now.

I am sad.  Sad that my Mother-in-law is no longer with us.

I am happy.  Happy that she is no longer suffering.

I am relieved.  Relieved that we no longer  have to rearrange our lives to care for her. (not that I was not glad and privileged to do that for her)

I am angry.  Angry about the lack of respect afforded me by her and her daughter.

I am grateful.  grateful that she got a chance to benefit from my kindheartedness in the last months of her life. and that she grew to appreciate me and even love me. 

I am hurt.  Hurt by the inconsiderate inclusion of my husbands ex-wife in the planing of her funeral. 

I am resentful. Resentful that some of these issues were not dealt with a long time ago, by myself or by others. 

I am defensive.  Defensive of the stance my husband has taken toward his brother and sister in light of the disrespect he felt from them.

I am hopeful.  Hopeful that fences can be mended some day.  however at this point it is only a glimmer of hope.

I am not sure if it would be helpful to go over in detail all that has happened or to let it left unsaid.  probably best to let it rest and concentrate on issues I can actually do something about.

 


Birthday

today is my 49th birthday. 

not old but not young. 

I have gotten over 40 Facebook birthday greetings. 

My husband sent me a wonderful email with a meaningful video attached. 

most of my children have called or sent messages. 

all of my siblings have called. 

all in all it has been a good birthday.   

I have a love/hate relationship with my birthday.   I love having a birthday.  The idea that it is MY day.  A holiday just for me.  presents are nice but not what is most important to me.  I like having my family show me that they are happy I am alive. 

I also hate my birthday.  Why because I have had many disappointing ones.  one year I had to make my own cake as a teenager.  I don’t really hate getting older.  but I hate that I expect things on my birthday.  I don’t want to expect anything. 

today was a good birthday.  and I am not disappointed.


siblings

I have been researching, exploring, and otherwise dredging up the past in the last few weeks. 

This has answered some as well as posed some more questions. 

One of those questions is how can something as traumatic and huge as a mother of 4’s death and the subsequent fallout never be talk about?

I have three siblings.  Two older brothers, the oldest being 11 years, the second being 9 years my elder.  One older sister who is 2 years older. 

And no we have never really talked about the death of our mother or the unrest of the following 18 months.  We never talked about any of it for 44 years.  

I was very young and don’t remember much.  although I have picked up bits and pieces over the years.  Now I am getting the rest of the story and putting it all together. 

I have a family of my own.  4 grown children.  2 boys and 2 girls and a 5th child that came into our lives at the age of 18.  making me the mother of 5.  As we talk about what I am learning one thing has become very clear.   Nothing happens without being discussed in our family. 

I am finding that this is an unusual thing.  Most families don’t talk about things.  We do, sometimes as a group but mostly in one on one conversations with each other.  although these are not “don’t tell anyone else I said that” conversations. 

Frankly I am not sure if  this is a good thing or not.  I think it is. We don’t have hidden lives from one another.  We get mad at each other.   We get over it.  And above all else, we are there for each other. 

I found out this week that my sister has probably needed me to be there for her for years.  I didn’t know this because we don’t talk about things.  Our talks are superficial.  Trivial. 

My hope is that as my children grow older they will talk.  They will tell each other when they are hurting, when things aren’t going well. They will be there for one another. 

I think that is the direction we are headed in.  and that makes me happy.