Can I survive this?
the husband is depressed. of course he can’t be depressed in the normal way. His depression manifests itself in aggression, dissatisfaction, and disapproval of me. any thing I do that is not perfect is a huge deal.
He makes me feel as if he hates me. maybe he really does.
The last time I went through this I tried to kill myself. I do not think that will be the path I take this time. Thanks to the hours and hours of counseling I have had I am in a much better place. instead of thinking he is right this time I just get pissed.
I hope he realizes what he is doing to us before it is too late.
I don’t need him as much as I did two years ago. I am stronger and more sure of myself. I know I am not the stupid person he wants me to think I am. He would never admit or maybe he doesn’t realize that he wants me to feel that way but he does. It helps to keep him in control.
I still alow too much. I am still “under his thumb”
things are moving in what seems to be a positive direction.
- I have a new mental health counselor. He is more proactive in making changes in me than the last one. I like that.
- The Husband and I are in couples counseling. once a week. so far we have gone once. It went well for a first visit. We are both hopeful.
- I have a realtor coming to look at the house to see what we need to do to get it ready for the market. although I don’t really have the house ready for her to come and look at it.
- I have someone lined up to help clean out the basement.
- I have someone who is going to help me get everything organized. She was here on Tuesday and we got the cake decorating supplies organized.
- I have a meeting with a dean at the university that I attended way back when to select classes and finish my degree. It will be a degree in general studies. The best part is I only need five classes to finish. Yes I said 5!!!!
- I have told my daughters that the situation in this house is no longer tolerable, and that I will be talking with them individually in the next couple of weeks about specifics that need addressing.
I am on the road to a better life. I believe it is the life I have been fighting to have for the last two years.
I am on the road to being STRONG, ASSERTIVE & RESPECTED! That is my goal and that is what my new self talk is all about.